‘Idea ball’, ‘Upamechanic’, ‘Mo Santa’ and other hilarious banter names for football players

Football is no doubt a serious business but with some elements of unseriousness in the form of fan-driven banter.

A major part of that is the alternative names given to the players by fans based on varying factors such as their traits, style of play, actions etc.

Those banter names range from clever to basic and in some cases downright offensive but 100% hilarious and here are 10 of the best ones in no particular order.

We all remember that older baller in the local park that always has an ‘idea’ of what he wants to do, rides on technical ability but has pretty much nothing else in terms of football abilities…well that’s how football fans on Twitter seem to perceive Spanish midfielder, Thiago Alcantara.

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French centre-back Dayot Upamecano joined Bayern Munich as a highly-rated player for €42.5 million in the summer of 2021 but has been underwhelming so far, earning himself the banter name, Upamechanic.

The exception on this list, Mohamed Salah’s banter name is not negative, rather just a bit of light-hearted fun about the time the Egyptian forward got flak for celebrating christmas, hence… Mo Santa.

Not even coaches are exempted from football banter as German tactician Thomas Tuchel has been referred to rather offensively as ‘Tucheliban’ in reference to his defense-oriented set up at Chelsea.

Jonjo Shelvey has been called many things because of his looks, Voldemort being the most obvious comparison but the funniest and most cleverly of his aliases is Chemotherapy Kroos.

The name is an admittedly cruel nod to Shelvey’s appearance in relation to his football abilities as a low budget Toni Kroos. 

Mohamed El Neny is called Pyramid Pirlo because of his Egyptian nationality and similarities in his game to the legendary Italian midfielder, Andrea Pirlo.

One of the more lazy ones but funny nonetheless, Marcos Alonso is sometimes called Alonslow as a jab to his lack of pace.

Tanguy Ndombele’s time at Tottenham has not gone according to plan at all since joining for €60 million in 2019 with issues on and off the pitch that led to him gaining weight and earning the name Ndombelly.

Another one in the cruel category, Kieran Tierney has had his injury issues which led to him getting brutally tagged Kieran tear knees as a play on his name.

Brazilian striker, Roberto Firmino, is often referred to as a defensive striker because he is not prolific despite playing in a team that creates lots of chances, managing 98 goals in 327 games since joining Liverpool in 2015.