7 effective ways to raise your child without fear or disrespect

Life Coach Triffany Hammond says adults should never write off all teenagers as bad children despite the kind of news we constantly hear about them.

Teenage children are known to want to experiment, explore everything, and will close their ears to simple instructions from their parents or guardians. This may lead to a strained relationship between parents and their teenage kids.

But it doesn't always have to be this way and Hammond writing for YourTango explains the reason why, listing a few ways parents can help raise great kids:

I've seen a lot of social media posts lately claiming that "kids today don't have any integrity or respect!"

I remember how hurtful it felt hearing statements like that said about my own generation when I was younger. Especially when it was obvious that people chose to focus only on the bad, completely dismissing the good.

Now, parenting two teenagers of my own who are sometimes insightful and at other times angsty, I completely understand how inciting their behavior is at times. I rely on memories from my own youth (and my own spectrum of good to not-so-good behavior) as a reminder that I can change the pattern of how I choose to view (and then either condemn or encourage) today's youth.

That's the thing — as adults, we get to choose what we focus on ... and when we do, we perpetuate that focus on all the kids we interact with — whether they're our own or not. That "black and white, good/bad" approach, in which we choose a hurtful story ("kids have no respect") over a helpful one ("kids are still learning and often do show respect"), damages the relationship we have with our kids beyond measure.

And this negative mindset is especially harmful when we compound it with "when we gave up the rod, we spoiled our children."  Which typically has a lot more to do with whether or not kids fear their elders, and has nothing at all to do with respect. Fear is an extrinsic motivator. Meaning, it only creates the behavior you desire when you're present or they think they'll get caught. The more room we give our kids to act and feel intrinsically motivated by their own set of values and self-worth, the more impactful and longer lasting their thoughtful behavior will be.

And here's the hard part about parenting — kids only develop intrinsic motivation from a long process of "getting it wrong" so they can course correct, come back to what they know is right, and solidify themselves in it. Slapping your kid doesn't help them learn, but an opportunity to practice does. Here's how you can help them do so along the way: