My girlfriend sees no good in me; is this a healthy relationship?

Dear Bukky,

While I was in school there was this girl I was dating, I really liked this girl and although everything started well. I was a kind of guy who was shy and quiet back then, though brilliant.

She was my first love which I believe really made things awkward. The problem is that the girl condemns me a lot. She always complains about me. There’s been no single support from her at all.

Now we are done with school and I have managed to maintain the relationship with her as much as I can. However the memories of her condemning and complaining about me still haunts me till today. I haven't called her for some time now because to even talk with her is something difficult for me.

I’m thinking of terminating the relationship, please I need your advice._______________

Dear reader,

I think you should end the relationship immediately because any partner who sees only the worst of you is obviously not the right one.

There’s sincerely no point being in a relationship with someone who finds more fault in you than perfection.

Also there’s a way to correct someone you claim to love. The aim of correction is to enable betterment. Bitter castigations would only mess with your esteem and that’s not the kind of energy you want to be getting constantly from someone you call your girlfriend.

I’d normally advocate for communication and granting her an opportunity to change but in this case, I think that’d be pointless.

And here’s why: if your girlfriend’s default opinion of you is that warped, there really is no use trying to psyche her into seeing you differently. To be in a relationship with someone, your default idea, opinion and predisposition towards them should lean more towards positivity.

Of course, this won’t be because they are perfect and blameless but because you see more good in them than bad. It really is a matter of perception.

Any relationship where someone sees more bad in you than good should really never have happened in the first instance. And the moment you discover that, just as you have now, the only way is out.

There is no room for negotiation. Just get out as fast as you can.__________________Do you want to talk about your love life, marriage or family issues?

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