Selflessness in love.

To understand what a selfless love is, we must understand what love is. Love is compassionate, love is giving, it is sacrificial, enduring, reliable, and trustworthy but above all love should never be selfish but selfless.

Love is an emotional state you experience from a deep affection which leads to pleasure if it is right. It is an involuntary expression and an affectionate drive towards something or someone.

According to Shakespeare, “Love is blind and lovers cannot see”. If this is the case then, why do some people love and still claim to see clearly and in their ‘clarity vision’, all they see is themselves as the main character and centre of attention in the field of love.

You are in a relationship and all you are counting is how much love you receive from your partner and how much love they show to your family.

While this is important, it is more exciting to assume that your partner needs exactly same thing from you and even much more. Selfless love gives without counting how much it has received in return. There is a life lesson, which I learned long time ago; “whatever it is you desire from someone you love, first of all give it” and yes, it is that simple.

How much love should you give?

Love may never be 50:50 (even though the popular opinion thinks so); if it’s a 50:50 show, then it’s just a give and take relationship. How about making it 70:30 whereby each partner strives to be the one giving 70% to the relationship.

The mentality behind this is: Imagine a relationship where each partner tries to ‘out-invest’ the other in showing love and attention? Nothing can ever go wrong in such relationship but when each feels the need to receive 70% other than give it then a crack begins and selfishness takes over selflessness.

All we think of sometimes, is what we can get out of a relationship, how it is going to change our lives and complete us, how our partners will change our lives and upgrade us while in essence, it is better to think of what we can give to the relationship to make it strong, how we can bring out the best in our partner’s life.

Imagine a world of relationship where we are constantly thinking of how to give our best and ensure our partner’s happiness comes first; where both partners are always ‘competing’ on how to make each other happier.

How selfless should love be?

Selfless love means looking out for your partner in a positive way. You want them to follow their dreams and live it with your full support; you encourage them and allow them to shine as individuals even as you do as a couple. You become their favourite cheerleader when they are achieving and their backbone when they are in need of one

Selfish love tends to take, consume and possess. It wants to be in the spotlight alone while drowning the partner’s ability to shine equally. Selfless love gives the people you love their freedom and is not jealous or have trust issues without confirmation

Aristotle said, “Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies”. Attempting to give love more than you receive is an intrinsic part of a happy relationship. Selfless love always looks out for their partner. Love is enduring and should be selfless

We will have a better and more beautiful relationship if we wake up each day thinking of what we can do for our partner to brighten their day or what we can do to put a smile on their faces.

So many times we keep wondering why our spouse did not do this and that for us so we get upset but when we approach our relationship with the mentality of what we can do for our better-half other than what they should do for us; when we count their strengths and what they have done right, instead of dwelling on what they have done wrong we would be on our way to marital/relationship bliss.

Understand that your spouse is not perfect and no matter how hard they try, they may never always get it right but what you can get right is your perspective of them.

Change your view, change your attitude and constantly see their beautiful sides even when it doesn't show sometimes. Imagine waking up in the morning with the mind-set that ‘I am going to do something really nice for my spouse regardless’.

Do something nice for your partner with no conditions attached (meaning that your decision to show them love is not dependent of whatever they do).

Use some little gestures to put smiles on their face all through the day and so on. Those good deeds and more will always get you rewarded consciously and unconsciously from them.

Written by Laurel Ake

Laurel has been able to channel her energy and resources toward helping people achieve their relationship goals and live a fulfilling life. A motivational/relationship speaker & life coach, inspiring and motivating people to become the best they can be. She believes you can and you should.

She is a wife and mum. Like my page on Facebook: hearttalkwithlaurel.com

Blog website: www.hearttalkwithlaurel.com Email: email@hearttalkwithlaurel.com Instagram: @ladeelaurel