Women for the Win.

It is rather impressive that women can now find themselves in the same positions or with similar or even higher earnings than men; with the likes of popular figures such as Angela Merkel, Christine Lagarde, Theresa May, Oprah Winfrey, Jacinda Arden, Ibukun Awosika, Bola Adesola, Deola Sagoe, Beyonce and many others in the world and in Nigeria who have made prominent names for themselves in their fields.

Breaking Barriers.

Back in the mid 20 century and prior to then, it was rare to find women outside of their homes and more conservative careers such as secretaries and teachers. This is not to say that these careers are any less important, but women are now able to thrive in careers and do those things that were traditionally set aside for men. So it was a really big deal when Amelia Earheart became the first female aviator to fly across the Atlantic Ocean in 1928, Margaret Thatcher became the first female Prime Minister of the United Kingdom in 1979 and Funmilayo Ransome-Kuti became the first woman to drive a car in Nigeria.

So having female leaders of organisations and countries and doing what they wouldn’t dare attempt in the past was a fine definition of breaking barriers. Now this is becoming the norm as women are growing more in confidence and traditionalists are becoming more accepting. We might not be 100% there yet, but growing global awareness around gender equality is gradually taking us to a place where female empowerment is not something completely out of the ordinary.

Women Unite.

It is very encouraging to see that there are many initiatives that women take on these days to unite and support themselves both on the global and local platforms (through movements such as the Women’s March and organisations such as Women in Management and Business in Nigeria “WimBiz”, She Leads Africa, and many other support groups).

It is necessary that we stand for and support each other what some may view as “a man’s world”. However, there is something about “woman nature” which sometimes makes me question the authenticity of this so-called support we appear to have for each other. This is the same thing that also makes me wonder why men do not have as many support groups as women do.

Traditional Human and Woman Nature.

I do understand that by virtue of our nature as human beings, it is almost innate for us to view women as subordinate to men. Those who come from religious backgrounds will very well know the story of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. Adam was created first and served as the leader; and then Eve came next and served as his companion and support. So the traditional mindset would typically place the woman after the man.

So if I use the story of Adam and Eve as the reference point for the beginning of life, it also follows that women have exhibited some traits that should make us weary of their trustworthiness as a result of Eve’s dealings with the Serpent in the Garden of Eden. At a young age, when my mother warned me to be careful around girls at school, I wondered what she meant; but with maturity and through personal experiences and observations of my own, I now see the very thin line between this love and support and unhealthy competitiveness or jealousy.

Healthy and Unhealthy Competition.

Our design as human beings compels us to be in constant competition with one another. However, we must understand the difference between what is healthy and what is not. The interesting thing about competition amongst women is that it is very silent and sometimes difficult to decode. By nature as well, women tend to think more with their emotional minds than with their logical minds.

So when mixed with professionalism, there may be some blurred lines or grey areas in supporting each other. Women are sometimes defensive and could feel threatened by what they may view as competition. This may be because of the work and effort taken to arrive at their achievements or even as a result of insecurity that stems from the lack of achievement in certain areas.

Nigerian Peculiarity

Women seem to be under a lot of pressure these days. Our Nigerian society holds a peculiar case in that it is really not enough to have a career alone. You must have a husband, children and also play a role in the social or not for profit scene to be viewed as successful. If you lack one or two of these attributes, you may be viewed as a failure or not doing enough. So all of this adds additional pressure on women to be everything and it really does take a lot of self-confidence to feel secure.

The Owambe Wars.

Sometimes I wonder if women possibly spend more time checking out other women than they would a man? I wonder if women really dress to impress men, or if they do so in preparation to defeat their competition in the silent “Who-wore-it-better” war? A good example in the Nigerian social scene is at our “Owambe” parties (weddings, birthdays, etc) where a specific fabric, Aso Ebi, is distributed prior to the event, and everyone is left to design their own style.

In the past, Yoruba women would typically sew Iro (wrapper) and Buba (blouse). However, these days the traditional Iro and Buba is simply not enough as you would see all sorts of fashionable runway-worthy outfits which would even make you question if it was the same fabric they all used. The new trend now is getting your “face-beat”, as it is no longer enough to wear your make up or tie your gele (head tie) yourself.

Building Confidence.

How could women overcome this situation and feel secure with who they are and whatever their achievements are, regardless of how little they may seem? How should women seek self-encouragement and not underrate themselves?

Well, this may be a different context, but the title of Steve Harvey’s book, “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man”, could be applied to this situation. It would not be easy, because naturally, women are delicate and sensitive creatures, and they cannot run away from this nature. But with a dose of that sort of testosterone-driven self confidence, women would not need to feel so insecure that they have to check other women out in order to assure themselves that they are doing well.

So, competition is a good natural thing, but like everything in life, a balance has to be made. A good combination with genuine compassion would prevent them from feeling overwhelmed.

Oyin Egbeyemi is an engineer-turned-consultant-turned-educationist, runner and writer.