At a point in life, some people find out that whatever they did was never their intention but their parents’. Most men and women in their fifties are into professions; they live a certain kind of life to please their parents. Such is the struggle through life or fight to be happy to the extent that self-fulfillment becomes a luxury.  There is this continuous struggle: to feel or gain respect, acknowledgement or some accolades in the eyes of one’s parents or family.

Long Before Birth

There is this wrong notion some couples attach to sex: they believe that conception is one of the key reasons behind sexual intercourse in marriage. Religious teachings drive the above home to the extent that so much is expected from conception; a child on its way to the world already has so many burdens to bear. Most times, these burdens are trans-generational: in the sense that unachieved goals, aims or objectives are pushed to the next generation.

Read Also:A psychologist says 4 factors determine whether you're ready to have a kid — but most people focus on just one

That is why one would say, ‘if I don’t achieve this, my kids would.’ It is a case of transferred responsibility. In the real sense, their issues, (parents or family) most times, subject that of their children that they (their children) end up struggling with what their parents expect of them than what they expect from themselves.

A Child is Born

Usually, there are certain things that follow the birth of a child: there is the naming ceremony and all that which are used to usher children into the world of the living. In some parts, children are either dedicated to a god or God; some parents go the extra mile, to find out about the child from a chief priest of diviner (the exploits he would make, his woes, and if he would be a source of heartache to his parents). In all these, parents are more concerned about themselves; they would always want to know how this child would bring happiness (wealth) their way.

It is clear through the names some children bear; these names evidently assign roles, expectations, and burdens on them. Some names prove that some children at a later age would take up the task of feeding their family personal god; others are expected to work, liberate their family, and so much more.

On the other hand, in some cases, some of these children never live-up to their parents’, family or clan’s expectations, to the extents that some of these children fall out with their loved ones.

Expectations and Pressure

Any child that is born is a seed that have been planted in the world; seeds come with lots of potentials, because some seeds turn out to be greater than their equals. In the real sense, every child is born with a gift, potential or talent that needs to be nurtured to greatness; these gifts are hungry to be discovered and put into good use; it is such seeds that make a home, and build a society.

Unfortunately, due to greed or selfishness, most parents kill these talents in their child without discovering them; they are more after their kids’ making it big, popularity, getting there on time and staying on top of their acts. Nobody wants to hear about a talented or gifted child, because money doesn’t come quick from such ventures.

That is why some parents put themselves through so much to have children, send them to the best schools, have them study the course they wish for their children and not the one these kids wish for themselves, and make sure they graduate and are fixed in right places or occupational positions.

The cycle continues till date. Such parents don’t look at their kids, but their (parents’) success; they are happy, and feel too fulfilled. They care less if that child feels fulfilled, too. Most of these parents see themselves as failures or didn’t turn out the way they expected or the way their own parents expected. They turn to force their children to please them (parents) in order not to feel bad about themselves.

The above is one of the reasons why there is high rate of exam failure, mostly in secondary schools. Most parents force their kids to register for science when their kids’ interest is in arts. Most children find it very difficult to gain admission into the university because of the course their parents have chosen for them to study. Typically, in higher institutions, most students don’t graduate, while some fail or drop out, others struggle to graduate, all to please a parent.

Read Also: 5 Reasons why students cheat.

To crown it all, most graduates have become unproductive because they never had interest in the course they were forced to study. Parents have forced their children into depression and rebellion. Most of these parents are into competition with one another, and intentions were never in the line of positive achievement. Some parents are of the opinion that a good reputation or high class is paramount or a child should study what can feed him tomorrow --survival, but they are too quick to forget that one of the highest things in life is self-fulfillment at the point of actualization of a dream or targeted goal set by oneself.

Untimely Death of a Seed

One finds that a child’s talent is cut short, killed or buried before it could be discovered or actualized. In most cases, some children that have gone against their parents’ wish, and might have discovered their talent to the point of attainment; such are usually disowned or marked as lazy or rebellious.

The drive to push kids to become that which one always wanted to be cripples or suffocates African society as a whole. In Africa, dreams are better left in a dark closet, while wealth is pursued. No doubt that African society is plagued by young men who roam the streets on dreadlocks, pants-down and weed-in-hand, while their mates are at work, all in the name that they are pursuing a dream in entertainment industry.

Africa is one of the countries with the highest innovative youths in diverse spheres, but in most cases, the ideology of parents that exist in this space gets in the way.

It is right for parents to study their children from birth. A close watch would help discover what a child is good at or would be good at in future. It is wrong to apportion profession to a child who haven’t been subjected under close scrutiny. Children are dynamic so also is their innate abilities which when developed could proffer possible solutions to problems in society. Dreams they say, can’t put food on the table or into an empty stomach, but a little shine on a dusty surface reveals the treasures beneath.

Written by Oluoma Udemezue.