“My husband I met online showed his true colors after we got married”

Hello Bukky,

My name  is Mary. I have  been  married  for  two years  now, I met my husband  online and in a space of 6 months we got married. Later, I found out everything  about  him was a lie.

He complains, nags, lies, very abusive and spends money wastefully. He beats me a lot, womanizes, always going  through my phone behind my back to collect my friends' numbers  and asking them out.

My family  members don't  know where  I live since I got married. I'm even scared  of inviting  my younger sister. I'm thinking  of a divorce right now because I'm tired of everything and to top it all, his family members do not like me.

 His sister recently threw  my things  out of  the house  and he never said a word. I'm confused  and tired, please advise me on what to do. Since  I got married, I've not been able to express myself freely .

I'm shocked because he hid this part of himself till we got married. Please tell me what to do.

Thanks.

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Hello Mary,

Having a relationship with someone you meet online is very tricky, it could turn out well or horrible, all that matters is opening your eyes and looking beneath the charm and smiles.

You listed out the bad qualities your husband possesses that makes you frustrated in your marriage, but two wrongs cannot make a right.

Did you check these bad habits before you got married and chose to ignore them because you were ‘blinded’ by love? How was your relationship with him like before you both decided to wed?  you know his family members never liked you in your short dating period?

The success of a marriage doesn’t lie solely on one spouse’s effort, what steps have you made towards making your marriage work? Have you tried having a discussion with your husband and reaching an agreement with him on how best to make your marriage successful?

You may have to alert the authorities about the constant abuse in your home. Reconnect with your family members and tell them about the current state of your marriage so they'll be well informed and protect you the best way they can.

An abusive relationship would break you down not just physically but emotionally, seek help from a therapist who’ll help you work out your issues

A marriage where abuse and disrespect are constant is simply a battle ground and not a union. It's normal to feel shattered inside because your marriage isn't what you hoped for, but what matters is learning from past mistakes.

If feel you have tried your best in saving your marriage and it’s still not working, then you should try to move on.

I wish you all the best

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Yours truly!