"My girlfriend wants marriage now...I can't even pay my own bills"

Hi Bukky,

My name is Sunday and I'm a greenwig. I met this lady about 7 years back when I was about to serve and we started dating, the relationship was majorly a phone thing characterized by night calls.

We met during one break back home on arrangement and the memories stuck. Our next meeting in Abuja later that year dulled my feelings for her as I felt she was more serious on the phone.

After a long beef and plea, we met several times in Abuja after my service in 2010 but the relationship was no longer blossoming, I left Abuja for greener pastures and we didn't really see for almost 3 years.

The time apart was not without once in a while communication though, I met others and she did too but as fate would have it, we met again when I was about going to Law school in 2013 and she came for a job interview. We had a good time but she found out there was someone serious in my life but didn't care.

I went to Law school and she got the job. When I was about finishing she assisted me financially. She later continued her financial assistance throughout 2015 while pressing for marriage. I've discovered her chat with one or two men despite the assistance and she's even introduced the man she had a relationship with but after confronting her I forget because of my own ways.

I'm just a young lawyer practicing without a salary. I can't foot my bills and yet she wants to marry me. Now am indebted to her and no matter how much I try to discourage her she keeps insisting.

I don't mind marrying her if I have the means but my plea for patience always falls on deaf ears. I still have other relationships I'm trying to break off in order to marry her.

What do I do and how do I handle the others who are just patient because I don't have the means?

Thanks.

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Hello Sunday,

A relationship founded on mistrust or pity would crumble faster than anything you know.

You both need to first define your relationship properly with each other, it's either all or nothing. If you aren't being truthful and faithful to each other now, you'll never be after you get married because you'll both be on the lookout for a second option.

The question here is, are you in a relationship with your girlfriend because you really love her or for the financial benefits you are currently receiving? Do you see yourself spending the rest of your life with her? If you want to marry her just because she helped you through financial crisis what will happen when you become very comfortable?

First of all, be sure you want really want to get married to her, even if it's not now. Then make her understand that you have to be financially stable enough to provide for both of you before tying the knot.

It's not advisable to keep giving her false hope if you don't see her in your future. Discuss and let her know your true intentions, then allow her make her own decisions about leaving or staying with you.

I wish you the best.

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