Pulse First Love: We were too different to have a lasting relationship

#PulseFirstLove is a weekly series that captures the emotions people felt, and the motions they went through the first time they tried being in a relationship.

They say opposites attract, but for how long? Today’s #PulseFirstLove pries into the inner workings of a relationship between completely different people and how personality differences could stretch affection to a breaking point. Our subject says he and the first girl he ever loved got a tough lesson on how being different from the one you love is not always a cute thing. Read on.

Can you remember the first-ever time you had a crush on someone?

I was 16, in SS 2 and she was this calm girl in my school who also lived in my area. You know, we would spend time together at her house but I was very young and not man enough to tell her that I was crushing on her. But there was this day while I was in her house. We were in the yard on that Saturday and her mum was inside. We were playing and then something happened which made her confess to loving me but then she now added: ‘as a brother.’ I think after two weeks of this occurrence, we were together again and she made an effort to kiss me but mumu me… I dodged it. LOL. In the end, she left the neighbourhood after secondary school sha. We stayed close for a bit after then but not for too long.

Remember anyone having a crush on you?

Yeah. This new girl joined our secondary school who was so quiet and didn’t speak with anyone. But one time, I summoned the courage to speak with her and I told her to try to mix with people and make new friends. It’d be great for her. After we spoke on that occasion, she began to have a crush on me and it was so open and obvious to everyone in the class. You know, she got close to me but I wasn’t in for that because I had eyes for someone else.

The other babe you spoke of?

Yes. That one. as I explained earlier.

Did you ever date this babe?

No. She left town after our final exam.

So when did you eventually fall in love?

When I got into university. There was this girl I really liked so I spoke to her about it and after two months, we started dating. It was good, blissful but short-lived. We were course mates and she was way different from my first crush. She was an outgoing person, an extrovert, speaks her mind, bot easily intimidated and all that. Those were some of the reasons why I liked her.

Why did you fall in love?

We had this class assignment and we were split into groups in our 100L and she was the assistant group leader while I was the lead. Working together in the library, researching for the project was how we got closer, and gradually fell in love. Or let me say, I fell in love with her. And I told her. By the end of the first month, I already had feelings for her and by the end of the second month, we were dating already’

How was your time together like?

After a month or so, we made love and it was good. But personally, I am an introvert and she was an extrovert. So we started having these clashes. I was not as outgoing as she was. She was quite unruly as well.

When you say unruly, what do you mean?

You know, she was wild, going for parties; of which I am just the opposite of that. It brought issues between us. We lasted just four months and two weeks.

Does any particular issue come to mind?

I think it has to be when other guys started to show too much attention and she was entertaining all of that.

Did you take any step to get back to your best?

I tried. But her friends made it difficult too. She had friends who I personally felt weren’t the best for her. And some of the things I’d suggest were discarded in favour of what her friends thought so it started to feel at some point like: “are you ever listening to anything I say or just taking the advice of your friends?” And you know what’s crazier? She now started to have an affair with a guy online. I found out through her phone one day when I asked for her phone so as to send some pictures and a message came in. I couldn’t resist reading it and that was how I found the thread of long messages with the other guy. You know, erotic message exchange, pictures… and I knew something was wrong.

I have to ask though. You liked her for being an extrovert but it turns out that that same feature caused issues in the future between you guys. How was that like for you?

It was traumatic, I can’t lie. I am someone who loves my peace of mind, I must mention. And to be clear, what caused the end of the relationship was her unfaithfulness to me and I could not cope with that. The major issue was her cheating on me but the clash of personalities made it easy to just kuku cut her off and have everyone go their separate ways.

Happiest memories from your time together?

Has to be our first month together. It was blissful. We would spend a lot of time together, take pictures, just be happy in each other’s company. So, yeah, that first month holds the happiest memories of the relationship.

Who initiated the breakup?

I did. It was almost immediately after I saw the incriminating messages I mentioned earlier. So we had a test the day after I saw the messages so I waited for the test to be over the next day before telling her about my discovery, how I felt and how I thought it would be nice for us to just go our separate ways. She actually cried.

She did?

Yeah. She did.

So… she didn’t see it coming? With all the issues you guys had?

I think women could be great pretenders. She probably never thought I would find out about the things she was doing behind my back. And to think we even had this row a few days before the breakup. She had gone to this party and we had a plan to meet at 10:30 pm which she refused to honour due to being at the party. And you know what goes on at parties that are on till that late. I felt some type of way and that was what led to the issue we had on that day. Now imagine finding out two days after this quarrel that this woman was indeed cheating on me! I just had to tell her that the relationship was a no for me. She was not happy about it but we just had to break it and move on from it.

Did she ask to know why?

Why I was breaking up with her? Of course, she asked and I laid it all out for her. I had enough evidence and she begged for us to give it another try but I was done already. So, that didn’t count.

How did the breakup make you feel though?

Maybe not the breakup itself but the entire experience of the relationship. I think I felt bad about it. I also felt very disrespected, I felt like I was there for someone who was not there for me most of the time. So, yeah, that’s it.

What do you think you could have done differently now that you are older and know better?

I don’t think so. If I were thrown in that situation again, I think I would have reacted just the same way I handled it that time.

And your biggest lesson from all that is?

Don’t put yourself in a situation you are not prepared for. At the start, I really thought I was prepared to be with someone of her temperament and I think she thought she was down for a relationship with someone like me too but somewhere along the line, I found out that the difference was just too vast for us to be together.

Do you think you could date her again under a different circumstance

Bro, never. I don’t go back to exes for any reason.

How about that your first crush. When last did you hear from her?

She’s married now.

Wow.

LMAO. Yeah.

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There's more where this came from. Get all First Love Stories here.