Pulse First Love: I formed bestie for 9 years but I was secretly in love with him

#PulseFirstLove is a weekly series that captures the emotions people felt, and the motions they went through the first time they tried being in a relationship.

The subject of #PulseFirstLove this week talks to us about finding her first love in a boy that made her feel special in JSS2, and how 15 years later, they are moving towards a lifetime together. But before they got here, she had to watch and support his relationship with other women for 9 years, while pretending that being a bestie was enough for her.

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Tell me about the first time anyone wooed you

Errmm, I’ve had passes from a lot of guys since I was 8 years old because I was on the big side and grew bigger than many girls my age at the time. But one that really stuck was in Delta state. I was in Jss2, at age 12 we just resumed the second term. Here comes a handsome gentle boy who resumed two days to Valentine’s. Then on Val’s day. he got me a gift. Although I received lots of gifts because I was the class prefect and was loved by everyone, his gift felt most special. It was a coral bead and a handmade card with kind, sweet words; as well as a plate of fried rice and turkey. I was in awe. LOL. I didn’t understand the concept of love, but we became good friends. We fight, settle our fights. We were also the 2 best in class but he left the school a short while later and we lost contact but we met again as full adults who knew what love was. we continued our friendship in the disguise of besties. LOL

So... he was your first love or did that happen with another person?

Oh, yeah. He is my first love. We were best friends, academic rivals, he brought me food so many times as his mum owned an eatery, and he also used to give me money. I knew I felt different when I was with him. I really didn’t understand what love was but I just how I felt and it was different. So I knew it must be special.

So did you guys ever date?

Sure. We’re actually together now. It’s a long-distance relationship - he’s in Abuja and I’m in Lagos - but it is sweet and dreamy. It took a long, long time but thankfully we are together now. I think he’s the only love I’ve ever known. We became official 2 years ago but our love has gotten to such an elevated place this year.

How so?

He’s talking about marriage now. And how it’s going to be with me. I’m a year older than him but he says he loves it that way. And frankly, I want it, too.

Describe your relationship

I think we both deceived ourselves for too long. We couldn’t admit the fact that best friends became lovers. We lived in that denial. It has always been sweet because we were there for each other, we supported our dreams even before we made it official. I feel alive when I am with him, he knows me in and out. We are friends and I think that’s what sums it all up for me.

So cute

I know right. We actually met 15 years ago, lost contact, searched for each other for 4 years, met again on Facebook, and then we just kept on with our separate lives, dating other people but we still stayed in touch, forming best friends. Afraid of admitting the truth to each other.

Now that you’re older, what do you think you might have done differently?

 I think I would have fought for it instead of living in denial for that long. We actually tried several relationships, dated several other people but somehow found solace in ourselves. We told each other about our relationships and proffer solutions to those issues yet we were in love. How stupid of us.

Lol. Surely that experience taught you a few lessons

Of course. Learnt to never hide my feelings. Omo, no hide your feelings. Go for wetin you want, irrespective of gender - whether you are a man or woman - just go for it. I lived the better part of my life wishing and hoping he wouldn’t get married to someone else. Ko easy! How do you feel, advising someone you love about his relationship with another girl?

You tell me

Lol. I felt he was slipping away, I felt sad and angry but I had to support as the bestie I was forming then. There’s actually so much that people conceal because of love. I didn’t want to lose him on both ends. At the time, I felt like I could never have him as a boyfriend. I don’t even know why I felt this way. So I thought to keep him as a bestie instead.

Is there any idea you previously had about love and relationships that you are ashamed of now?

That only a man expresses love! Fuck that shit! Express love to anyone whenever and how you best know how to. Don’t die in silence.

Do you believe that one’s first love is special? 

Not really, every love hits differently depending on your partner and what you both make out of it.

What are your general thoughts on the subject?

People move on from their first love. It’s only a myth [that you never really recover from it]. But sometimes like they say, true love never dies. It could be your first second or last. I think why that particular one has an effect on so many people is because he/she is the first person you opened your heart to, you learned love from that person. Most times, they set the standards for you.

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There's more where this came from. Get all First Love Stories here.