Domestic violence - when the man is the victim

I remember a blog that I posted many years ago about domestic violence; I received a mail from an angry reader.  He claimed that my judgment on issues of domestic violence was skewed, because I assumed right through the write-up, that the woman is always the victim.

I guess he wasn't too far from the truth. This is because of the human tendency to believe in stereotypes. It does make logical sense, I think, that if there is physical contact involved, the woman who in most cases is not as strong, will be the victim. But when it involves the use of “aids”, it can swing either way.

News reports recently overwhelmed social media with the story of a man that died from a vicious knife attack from his wife: the reason is what causes so much concern. She read a text message from “ another woman “.

One is tempted to think that there was a temporary loss of sanity on the part of the wife, but a critical review about the relationship will show, like in other similar cases,  that the tendencies were there from the get go.

An article written by Dennis Campbell in “the guardian “ (4 September 2010) revealed that about two in five of all domestic victims in the UK are MEN! And this is seven years ago! Wow! Most men will not report the incidences in developed countries and even those that do, are not taken seriously by the Police, according to the reports.

Psychologically, and even culturally, the man will feel and be assumed to be weak; this makes it difficult for him to speak out.

It is worse in a culture like ours. Up until about half a century ago, the Yorùbá culture encouraged the bride’s parent to give her “a whip” which she is to present to her husband. He had the right to whip her whenever he felt the need to. So if his wife was physically abusing this man, how can he speak out in the community? The same community that thinks its okay to beat his wife? He will rather suffer in silence.

The problem, though, is that an abusive spouse will continue to evolve, and when this issue is not nipped in the bud, it could lead to murder. I just read another story about a wife who stabbed her husband with the aid of a broken bottle.

I think there is a need for “ a Voice”, a platform, if you may, where abused husbands can seek refuge, defense and counsel. Assuming there is , then  society needs to be enlightened that domestic violence, is not a man and it is not weakness when a male victim speaks out. Besides, it is better to “be weak” than to “be dead”.

Written by Auntybspeaks.com gud to talk

Bo Adesoye is a Pharmacist turned Children’s Counselor and Educationist. She writes blogs on “issues of concern “ and runs the Auntyb Facebook page and a website auntybspeaks.com .