6 young Nigerians talk about why being a virgin isn't cool anymore

In most African cultures, virginity was a thing of pride. It was associated with innocence and purity. Women who marry as virgins enjoy certain benefits.

Among the Yorubas, the newly married man usually brandishes a blood-stained bedsheet on their first night together as a married couple, and he could return his bride if he discovers that she is not a virgin on their first night.

Even modern religions like Christianity and Islam forbids pre-marital sex, yet many young people still engage in it.

Most people debut sexually at a pretty young age.

Yaya and Bishwajit from Frontiers in Medicine cited that 28% of adolescent Nigerians have been sexually active at 15 years. By the time they are 19 years old, 49.8% of young ladies have been sexually active, with men scoring a higher percentage. 

 Also, Nigeria reports 25 abortions for every 1000 women even though abortion is illegal.

Suleiman, a Muslim, mentioned how he felt guilty the first time he had sex because of Islamic restrictions, but that doesn’t stop him from having sex.

Many young people believe cultural and religious practices on sex are outdated, David, a 29-year-old man says, “The Bible cannot expect us not to have sex, it might have worked for them but not for us.” 

According to him, the bible is outdated in this modern times.

Daniel says he has sex because “Jesus himself did not expressly say people should not have sex.”

But few men and women still try to stick with the Bible’s and Quran’s injunction against premarital sex.

Fikayo, a 24-year-old young man believes he can do anything but not engage in the actual act of penetration as that is only when there is sex, “hand and mouth stuff isn’t sex, rubbing genitals, phone sex on video calls isn’t sex either.”

Chima strongly disagrees and calls it hypocrisy. “If you can do all this stuff, it is hypocrisy not to have sex.”

But the Bible’s position and injunction against pre-marital sex are as clear as day. Fornication is still a sin.

Sally, 25 years old lady, finds it difficult to find love as she sticks to her religious injunction against premarital sex, “Most guys want to have sex and it is a deal-breaker for me because I want to wait till I get married. I feel pressured to have sex even though I am not ready.”

Sally has let go of many relationships because of varying views on sex and she hardly regrets it because she believes in meeting a man who has the same religious views on sex or loves her for reasons other than sex.

The changing views on sex have influenced sexual behaviour, Daniel says “Sexually, young girls are loose and experiment more. They are willing to try new things, they lasts longer in bed too but not so with older women, who though more experienced are less agile.”

Suleiman believes that “age doesn’t matter when it comes to female sexual performance but the personality makes the difference."

Daniel believes that women are forgoing most of the guilt religion imposes on sex.

Interestingly, society places more pressure on women to abstain from sex. However, most people believe this fad of abstinence is changing with modernity.