Whether you have a spouse or a partner, or if you are just about to get one, this aritcle is for you.
It is the conscious and intentional refusal to allow communication or a discussion of something that obviously needs both partners to sit and share thoughts and feelings with each other.
Stonewalling is actually a form of communication deficiency, and differs greatly from the occasional timeout to calm down or collect your thoughts, which partners normally have every now and then.
It is an absolute refusal to consider your partner’s perspective. If you listen at all, you do it dismissively or contemptuously. It is failure to reach the level of communication to keep your relationship going; and men have been accused of being main culprits of this.
According the result of a research carried out by Prof. John M. Gottman, a world-reknowned psychologist, stonewalling “ is far more likely to be a male thing.
“When women stonewall, it’s typically a function of temperament – they’re shy, inhibited, or introverted. More commonly, it’s a learned behavior – engaging in conflict or emotion-laden conversation has exposed them to put-downs or abuse in the past.”
And more interestingly, men do not even know when they do this. When their partners try to initiate conversations about certain important issues that affect them, they run or continuously push such discussions of dismiss them altogether.
One of the signs that a man could be stonewalling is if he believes his partner nags him.
Women don’t necessarily nag all the time. When a partner keeps repeating something, it’s because she’s not being heard. A nagging partner is usually an unheard partner.
Whether it is practiced by a man or woman, stonewalling hurts your partner, and causes feelings of isolation, frustration, anger and could make them think that you don’t care about them or their opinions.’
There is only one solution to this malaise; intentional, effective communication.
Whether you have a spouse, bae, boo or you’re about to get one of these, stonewalling has no place in your relationship because great relationships thrive on communication not on negative actions as this.