My boyfriend's insecurity led me to another man's arms

Dear Bukky,

Please I need your advice.

I’ve been in a relationship for the past 4 years and this is our 5th year. We started in February 2013. We had it all romantic and fun and we became the envy of friends I means all our friends.

My boyfriend is a very jealous person that even if I go anywhere, he will start counting minutes for me. I am a committed lover and I don't double date but he is overly jealous and always thinks I’m with another man. He always feels insecure. No matter where I go, he will look for who to contact there to ascertain I'm with the person.

I got frustrated in the relationship, I really became choked. One thing led to another and I became close to another man and something happened between us just once which I regret it till today because that wasn't me.

He got to know about it and that now spoilt everything. I begged him and he knew I was sincerely sorry. He told me he has forgiven me but we are yet to be back to who we used to be. Now we are so distant from each other. Please what can I do?_____________

Dear reader,

Just give it time. If you intend to remain in the relationship with him, you’d have to give it time.

But it is my opinion that you should not even bother with him. And I say this because while your affair with the other man is inexcusable and wrong of you, we still can’t ignore the cause and effect at play here.

So your boyfriend is jealous and insecure and with his choking presence all around you, you find yourself in the company of another man who is not as restrictive as your man and with the freedom he affords you, you get too carried away.

Now here’s the thing; does your boyfriend look like the guy that would let something like this go? With such jealous streak as the one indicated in your email, I do not think he can.

Another thing is this: if a man was being continuously distrustful and kept dogging your footsteps, how did you stay for five years? I think that is a very toxic relationship behavior that you do not have to put up with. And for someone to have kept up with it for as long as five years, it means it’s their relationship M.O and they’d probably not stop now.

You need to ask yourself questions, dear reader. Is this relationship good for you?

If you ask me, I’d say no. And if you’re thinking of what to do, I think you need a miracle to rid him of that toxicity.

Either that, or dump him and look for someone more deserving of that boundless commitment you've got to offer._______________Do you want to talk about your love life, marriage or family issues?

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