4 red flags for couples to watch out for

Relationships can be hard work but the key is to understanding where we are making things harder for ourselves so these are the four red flags to keep an eye out for.

When we were growing up, many of us learnt about love from the sugar-coated world of Disney in which everything was perfect and all worked out in the end but, as it turns out, getting to that that happy-ever-after ending is a lot harder to achieve.

Real relationships take a lot more hard work and even then you aren't guaranteed that it will work out. Most of us don't know that there are many instances in a relationship where we are the problem but take a look these 4 behaviours that may just be the key to spoiling a good thing.

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Criticism

Everyone complains; it’s a natural part of our day-to-day life and in most instances, complaining about someone is absolutely.

However criticism is very different; it’s corrosive, and it’s an attack on your partner’s core personality which over time, chips away at them and can lead to irreversible damage within your relationship and growing insecurity.

Contempt

This can take the form of name-calling, eye-rolling, sneering, mockery, and hostile humour.

In whatever form, contempt, is poisonous to a relationship because it shows disgust in your partner.

It is virtually impossible to resolve a problem when your partner is getting the message that you’re disgusted with him or her.

Again, it adds to their own insecurities within the relationship.

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Defensiveness

When we become defensive, we fail to recognise our own faults, instead making excuses to explain away our actions. We often find that we are pushing the blame onto other people and, in failing to take responsibility for our behaviour, we damage our relationship.

Defensiveness escalates conflict rather than resolves it and by deflecting the responsibility for the problems in the relationship away from ourselves and onto our partner.

Stonewalling

Stonewalling essentially means withdrawing from a conversation, even if physically present.

There is little to no attempt to empathise, respond or connect effectively cutting off all communication and leaving your partner feeling alone and isolated.

While this may feel like the only response to a bad situation, particularly from someone who is already anxious, frustrated, or upset, it can be extremely harmful to a relationship, as it prevents conflict from getting resolved.

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