#PulseFirstLove is a weekly series that captures the emotions people felt, and the motions they went through the first time they tried being in a relationship.
The first of our #PulseFirstLove stories this April is told by a 23-year-old baby girl, whose first-ever relationship had her feelings all over the place. She says after falling in love and getting into a relationship with one of her good friends, she discovered that she had feelings for another one.
Is there anyone you have a crush on at the moment?
Oh. Okay. Let me see. There was this guy I met at one meeting my company had with another company we are trying to strike a deal with. He’s cute. We’ve been on 3 or 4 of such meetings and he is as intelligent as he’s cute and I think I might have a teeny tiny crush on him. But hey, it’s nothing. I don’t see myself acting on it.
I don’t think I’m at a place where I want to be doing relationships jere. Got out of one bad breakup late last year and I’ve just not felt the need to try again.
Oh. So sorry about that.
Thanks. You know what’s crazy? That was my 4th relationship ever but that was my 3rd terrible breakup. My breakups are usually bad.
Looool. I swear, I don’t understand it either. But it is what is. I am not up for that kind of thing for now. Maybe I could consider something physical in the time being but you see an all-out relationship with expectations and all that exclusivity? It’s not for me right now please.
I hear you loud and clear.
Can you remember your first-ever relationship sha?
Sure. I was about 15, dated this guy that lived in my neighbourhood and the end of it was an absolute mess. If I had known that would be the first of many.
Tell me how you guys met
Well, I and my twin sister had some female friends, and then we had some male friends that we could gist with in the area as well. Somehow, we just became a big circle of friends. Our age range was somewhere between 15-17 or so. Many were just out of Secondary School, and a few of us were about to leave secondary school so it was a healthy mix. Full of raucous laughter and plenty of jokes whenever we hung out. All of this big circle of friends thing brought about a number of feelings and relationships. Ours was one of those relationships.
Oh. Like the series F.R.I.E.N.D.S?
Yeah. Exactly like that. You like friends too?
Lmao. Who doesn’t?
I know right. Anyway, continue with your gist. How did he woo you?
He didn’t say anything for the longest time although he told some of the guys who told some of the girls and somehow everyone knew. He also got extra nice to me. I remember he got me this necklace that I liked so much and then he’d call always and send a lot of texts. He also started visiting alone or following me and my sister home whenever we hung out at the home of some other member of the gang. I also remember him coming to sit with me at the salon a few times and the women there would be taunting him. It was so cute. Eventually, during one of those phone calls, he said something. I already liked him so I said yes.
Exactly, no time. LOL
How was your time as a couple?
That was my first relationship and I was 15 but it wasn’t bad in the beginning. Being friends helped and the fact that we had a big circle of friends made it easy to hide from our parents, too. In the end, though, it was our circle of friends that became our undoing.
Ouch. How so?
Some guy came along who liked me. He was also part of the group and he was cool and very outspoken whereas my guy was laidback and quite reserved. New guy was also very funny and couldn’t hide the fact that he liked me. It didn’t help that I liked him back.
You can say that again.
Ok, so help me understand. Didn’t the guy know you were with your boyfriend?
Alright. Here was how things were back then. The circle of friends had about 6 original members. I and my sister, two of our friends and then two guys that lived close to us. The group later expanded with friends introducing friends. You know, for instance, a friend of my sister’s got introduced to us, she liked our vibe, we liked hers and somehow she just became integrated and that was how it was till we became quite a big gang. The guy in question came just as I and that my boyfriend became lovers. Lol. At some point, before we ended things, my ex said that the devil planted that guy to wreck us and I was allowing him.
He might have had a point. Because, to be fair, that guy really did a number on me. We ended up fooling around, and that got to my head. So I started losing interest in my guy. My attention also became very divided and then we had a big fight. Few days later he went to the other guy man-to-man, and they almost punched each other. It was such a messy thing. LMAO. See, everything sha scattered sha.
So you broke up with your guy?
Oh. I didn’t think of breaking up with him in an official manner. Mumu me. I just thought he’d get the message and we’d just move back to being friends. He saw things differently. He sent a wicked text and broke up with me though. That’s one of my regrets, that I gave him the pleasure of doing it officially when I was actually the one who broke up with him.
Did you date other guy?
No. We made out a couple of times on and off before he went off to school sha. And it was really just nice. I liked that we didn’t sef. He said then that we were perfect without labels and looking back at it now, he couldn’t have been more spot on.
What happened to the group after that?
Nothing now. The group stayed friends. Obviously, things got a little frayed but life continued. Actually, many of us went to school and that was what eventually broke us all up. Some of us are still cool with each other to date sha.
What was your best memory from that first relationship though?
It’s about 8 years since then oh, so my memory might have faded a bit but clearly, the friendship we had prior to the relationship was clearly unforgettable. And that cute necklace, I wore the shit out of that thing till it faded out completely.
How do you feel about that love triangle being your first ever experience of love and relationships?
I don't think of it in any special way. If anything, it feels funny to me. I guess some of us were just meant to be thrown into the deep end from the very beginning.
And you don't think that experience shaped your idea of love and relationships in any way?
No, not really.
You mentioned having two more bad breakups after this first one. How messy was the latest one
Hahahaha. Let’s just say I took the breakup badly and sent some crazy messages to the new babe on Instagram with 3 separate accounts.
The guy had to call me to desist and then we had a screaming competition on the phone. See ehn, to Jesus be my glory sha.
Hahahaha. I hope he accepts it
Yeah. Like he has another option.
There's more where this came from. Get all First Love Stories here.