#PulseFirstLove is a weekly series that captures the emotions people felt, and the motions they went through the first time they tried being in a relationship.
The idea that people never really forget their first love is typified by today’s #PulseFirstLove. Our 31-year-old subject talks about his enduring love for his first girlfriend who is now married to another man.
First time you ever had a crush on someone or that anyone ever had a crush on you
Ah. That. Obviously it was in secondary school. I was in SS3 when I first became aware of myself to the point of noticing a girl noticing me, you get? I was the assistant senior prefect, she was the assistant bell ringer I think. I am not sure if that’s what the title is. Lol. But I know she was the assistant of the babe who used to ring the bell and all that.
Love from one assistant prefect to another.
Lmao. You can say that.
I think the word you were looking for is time keeper, by the way
LMAO! Time keeper! Shit. How could I have forgotten that? Omo, I don dey old o.
How old are you now?
31 in November.
And this crush happened when?
2007. I finished secondary school in 2007.
Can I ask what happened with that crush?
Nothing o. I was such a loser in secondary school. For some reason, I had so many girls liking me. They’d even come to my house after school on Fridays. I attended a day school and my folks weren’t always around during the day. My house was The Place. Like, everyone used to come over. My friends, and quite a number of girls. It never clicked that many of those girls liked me. There were also one or two seriously liking me in my class then too. It never clicked. I just thought we were all friends and treated them like my guys. But hey, I was in SSS3, I was young and really dumb. I have to admit.
E dey happen.
I know right. E.B things.
So when did you finally get into a relationship?
Yeah. In 400L university.
Ahahn. So so long.
Before you tell me about that. Tell me what happened between SS3 and when you finally dated someone
By the time I was in 100L, I was already becoming wise small small. I already could guess when a girl liked me, and surely, I already knew how it feels when I liked someone. But then I studied elect elect and there were very few girls in my class and I was trying to be a great student who always read and focused and went to church in my spare time. So that kinda limited my time searching out babes.
Ah. You were the Nigerian student of every parent’s dream
Lmaoooo. Please guy.
So you had nothing to do with babes at all?
Made out with one of the 7 girls in my class one time like that. It led to awkward things afterwards. So I stayed off girls in my class. There weren’t many of them anyway. I also had few short-lived flings here and there. There was this cute medical student I met in 300L. She was in 400L I think. Tried to give love a chance with her but she was so, so busy and actually uninterested in love at the time. So we did one or two things on and off for a little while before everything fizzled out. I think that was the closest I got to dating. I should have dated that girl sha. I really wanted her. Too bad the timing was off for her.
So eventually you found the right person and the timing was right, too
Yeah. In 400L like I said.
Tell about it
So I know this babe. We kinda grew up together in the same neighbourhood. You know how you know someone when they were little, and in their early teens and you don’t see them for a long time. When next you see them, they’ve cleaned up so so nice and have become a grown, full-formed version of the woman they were meant to be?
I think I have an idea
Yeah. That’s what happened. Went home on break one time, saw her, got blown off my feet. Got her number and we kinda became friends from there. She was in Unilag though, and I was in Ife. So the relationship didn’t last.
Ahahn. That’s an interesting summary. So short
Abi na. No time.
Baba, make time. Tell me how the relationship went. How were you as a boyfriend? How was she as a girlfriend?
Ok. I guess we were both chilled. The best part of the relationship was one ASUU strike that lasted like 6 months plus it coincided with part of my IT year. That was when we really bonded, started the relationship and it was the bulk of it. She would come over to mine, my mum would make her meals because my mum knew her mum and she really liked her. I’d cancel plans with my friends, tell them I wasn’t at home just so no one would interrupt our time together. We’d go out sometimes to the cinema, laugh, sit around at the mall, go back home and be together again until her mum started calling for her to come home. It was sweet like that. We were already talking about getting married. Please don’t laugh at me. I was in love.
Hahaha. I can imagine
But then school resumed and the distance between us messed things up. I would leave school sometimes to go be with her in UNILAG for a weekend. But it wasn’t enough. She needed that constant attention like she had when we were on strike. And that just wasn’t feasible. I couldn’t understand why she wouldn’t understand that I was busy and couldn’t make as much time. She was in school too and had a lot of time on her hands regardless, so she shouldn’t understand how I could be as busy as I always said I was. It really put a strain on the relationship. We broke up few months later.
Eiya. Happily-ever-after have lazzdent
Hahahaha. Guy! Na so o. Hahahaha
But how did that feel, breaking up after those sweet few months?
School work didn’t make it hurt that much. I was nearly dead from the stress of school work that I couldn’t think of too much more. I was in my final year at this point, I think it was just a combination of school work, project, FYB stuff, plenty of things sha. So the hurt was secondary. E pain me o, no doubt. But I didn’t have time to wallow in it. It hurt her too, and as time went on, I think she realised she was rash in making the decision to end things.
She told you that?
Not expressly. But lowkey she wanted us to get back together after a while. But by the time she realised this, she was in another relationship. But we talked after a while of being angry with each other and ended up hooking up a lot after sha. Like, a lot.
To be clear, hook up is sex, right?
Yeah, for like a year. But then her relationship got a lot more serious and we had to stop. She’s married now and still in love with me.
Say what now?
Yeah. I still love her too, to be honest. But I am engaged too. So life moves on.
It does, I guess. How’s that like, being in love with someone else while engaged to another person?
First let me say this, I am one of those people who believe that it is easy to love more than one person at once. I love my girlfriend a lot. Like a whole lot. But I also know that if something happened that made I and my first girlfriend single at the same time, I’d seriously consider getting back with her. That’s me being completely honest.
I feel you. So you’d agree with people who say first love is pretty special?
Absolutely o. Guy, na confirm. For me, at least. This babe opened my eyes up to love, the intense feeling of loving and being loved. I liked it. I consider her the precursor to my dating life right now.
What does that mean?
So I have always been a sucker for light skinned girls. You know all those babes I talked about hooking up with in Uni?
All of them were light skinned.
Lol. So I obviously had a type until I met her and it just showed me that you know, maybe love can’t really be boxed up in a frame. She’s definitely not ‘my type’ as I would have liked at the time, but who the hell needs a type when happiness comes in different shades?
Lmao. Love makes people say a lot of rubbish my guy.
Haha. You weren’t saying rubbish sha. It actually makes sense
Thanks. My babe now is even darker than her. Lmao. But she makes me so happy and we’re perfect for each other. We’re getting married.
How sweet. You finally found happily ever after.
I know, right. Not how I planned but yeah, the universe still gave it to me one way or another.
Are you still in touch with that your first love?
Yeah. We speak from time to time. Just friendly stuff. But you know, you can always tell that there are things being left unsaid many times. A lot of pauses and measured words. Something is obviously still there and I have come to the conclusion that I might need to cut her off completely. Particularly now that I am engaged but it is easier said than done sha. It’s just hard to let go jare. But I will get to it.