Love versus Lust: This is how to really tell the difference

Back in the day, at least as we have been led to believe, relationships were relationships. Like, relationships, relationships.

Boy and girl in love, good intentions and the hope of marriage sometime in the future [at least in the beginning]. You know, all that good stuff that we ideally relate with courting - damn, using that word makes me feel 15 years older - dating and being exclusive in the manner that we all think about when our folks tell us about how they loved properly in their time… the good old days.

Of course, things aren’t really the same with us. We are the generation that gave names to situationships, booty calls, Netflix-and-chilling, friendship-with-benefits and all other contemporary relationship dynamics we have kinda become cool with.

You really could think you’re sprung, but you’re really just horny or sexually compatible with someone. [Credit: Shutterstock] Boyfriend privileges [Credit: Shutterstock] Pulse Nigeria

So this leads us to the conversation on how best to meander that hazy phase of being madly drawn to someone’s sexual energy but confusing it for love and affection. You know, that place you get to, where, due to the sexual energy someone radiates, the level of primal attraction you feel towards them or the intensity of the sexual experiences you’ve had with them, you just find that you can’t get them off your mind. And, because thinking about someone so much often marks the beginning of love and romantic feelings, it is easy to confuse one for the other.

But really, are you really in love or you’re just bent to the will of your konji? Here are things that may help you know which is which:

ALSO READ: Here are all the toxic relationship generalisations we no longer need

Do you want them in your world?

If you find yourself wanting nothing more than to keep things on a low with them, it’s a prime sign that it’s really not that serious. Hiding your links with someone from your friends, family, colleagues and pretty much everyone on earth does not scream love, affection and potential partner, does it?

You talk but never about deep or real stuff

If you really don’t know any real stuff about this person despite having known them for a considerable amount of time, whatever you have with them is likely limited to just sex. Maybe it’s about time you admitted that to yourself?

If your convos are limited to booty calls and inconsequential texts, it may be sign that you're really not in love as you thought [Credit: News Time Win] Pornography views has been on a steady rise for a long, long time [Credit: News Time Win] Pulse Nigeria

Dreams, goals, secrets

On the other hand, if you’re both constantly sharing innermost thoughts, fears, dreams, worries and aspirations with each other, if you’re always giving vent to emotional expressions with each other often, chances are high that you’re on to something there.

This is majorly because it’s difficult to have someone into your head like that and not catch feelings. Consistent, honest communication almost always leads to feelings being caught. Like, over 85% of the time.

You allow for things you normally wouldn’t

This is quite delicate and could go either way. I mean, you could be bearing those things you don’t like, just because you have the goal of getting laid at the back of your mind. On the other hand, it’s also possible that you just love and want someone in your life so much that you are willing to accommodate some things you thought you would never.

The latter is usually the case than the former.

There isn’t much you have in common

If, aside the sex, you really can’t stand the person or vibe with them on a level required for relationships to truly flourish, then it means only one thing: this is just about the sex.

Not much more.