When a relationship ends because a partner pulled the plug on it, the heartbroken would demand an explanation, a reason to hold on to – that search for answers is called closure. It is common, expected, even great and quite respectful; but what is rarely said about it is how overrated it is.
No one should have to go through the ordeal of having a relationship sink right from under their feet; and yes, no one deserves the hurt of being happy with someone one day, only to have the stars in their eyes remorselessly snuffed out on the next day by the one they thought they’d forever be with.
How people choose to break up, and the reasons why they do so are quite many but the effect of that action is almost always the same - breakups trigger an emotional rollercoaster which begins with denial and often ends with eventual acceptance.
Closure is important
The first thing everyone would want to know when the familiar happiness of a relationship is suddenly snatched from them is ‘why?’
“Why are you doing this?”
“Is there someone else?”
“What did I do, or was it something I said?”
There will be questions and more questions from the heartbroken; questions they would need answers to. Even if no answer will stop their tears from being shed or magically strip their aching hearts of the pain they'd be feeling in that moment, people still want these answers regardless.
And this is basically what closure is about: being there to answer these questions, the heartbreaker giving the heartbroken a chance to have their curiosity satisfied.
"I believe finding closure after a breakup is extremely important in regards to the healing process. Letting go of the hurt and pain is the first step to making peace with what happened,” writes Eric Santos of Elite Daily.
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But you can do without closure
Here is the thing with closure; it is the means to an end and not the end itself.
Having a sit-down with that girl that dumped you does not mean all will immediately become well with you. You will still have to heal on your own, to find your own peace even after that conversation.
Closure sets the healing process in motion, it does not wipe the journey off your post-breakup to-do list.
“Closure is like a BandAid for a cut; sure, a cut could heal over time without one, but a BandAid allows the cut to heal much quicker and mitigates the chances of the cut reopening,” adds Santos, ever so aptly.
Closure is overrated
Closure is great because more often than not, it helps people have a firm grasp on reality quicker. But it is not compulsory to get one to move on from a breakup.
With or without closure, the end game here is to heal truly and move on completely. And you can do this without having any post-breakup conversation with your ex, especially if they make themselves scarce for such emotional purge.
If you are ghosted on, shut out and blocked off all social media platforms without the breath of a word of explanation, does this mean you won’t move on from them at all, ever?
Of course not.
Everyone needs to realise that some find closure through themselves, and some find it by asking their previous partner the questions that need to be asked. Closure is good and admirable, but you can live without it. You can absolutely heal without it.
To think of closure a different light is to exaggerate its importance and it’s time everyone realized this.