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Ask Pulse: Help! Who do I choose between my Ghanaian and Nigerian girlfriend?

Ask Pulse is a weekly advice column and a listening ear to help you sort through your issues.

Help! Who do I choose between my Ghanaian and Nigerian girlfriend?

This week on Ask Pulse, a Nigerian-Ivorian man is confused about who to be with—a Nigerian or Ghanaian.

I was born Nigerian, but I have an Ivorian passport. Years of living on the Ivory Coast have made me lose my Nigerian accent, and so many people have mistaken me for an Ivorian. I can’t speak my Nigerian native language, but I still feel Nigerian. Everything I do, I do it in a Nigerian way—I can't get that out of my system, and I love it.

Last year, I visited Ghana and I met a beautiful Ghanaian woman. I'm 27, and she's 23. Honestly, she's unlike anyone I've dated before. We've been together for a year, and she feels like the real deal. She loves me deeply, and I feel the same way.

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The problem is I haven't revealed my true nationality. This secret weighs heavily on me.

Another problem is the currency exchange rate. No matter how much I spend on her in Nigerian Naira, it doesn't translate well to Ghanaian Cedis. Impressing her feels expensive.

I also have a Nigerian girlfriend. Any small gift I get her goes a long way, but my heart aches for the Ghanaian girl. Whatever I get for her is never enough. She isn't working right now, so money is tight.

Despite all the challenges, she's the one I can't stop thinking about. The guilt of cheating on her is killing me, especially since she's been so loyal. I tried cutting things off, but she still wanted me.

They're both amazing women, but this situation is tearing me apart. I can't sleep, can't focus on work, and feel terrible about potentially hurting both of them.

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What should I do?

David.

The foundation of every relationship is honesty. Your Ghanaian girlfriend will not be happy to know you lied about your nationality. You have to come clean to her so she can accept you for who you truly are, not who she thinks you are.

But I think the real issue here is your infidelity. I’m stunned that you don’t consider being with two women at the same time a real issue.

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You can potentially lose both of them; if your heart is with the Ghanaian lady, then focus on her.

Finally, you kept talking about your finances. Yes, it’s important in a relationship, but it’s not everything. You aren’t dating women so you can provide for their needs. A relationship shouldn’t be about how much money you can spend on your partner. I hope this helps. Good luck!

Pulse.

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