5 lessons for women from the documentary, The Tinder Swindler

Netflix released a documentary about a Tinder Swindler. The documentary tells the story of a man who goes by the alias Simon Leviev who meets women on Tinder and deceives them into sending him a lot of money.

He meets women and shows them how influential he is by going to expensive restaurants, sleeping in five-star hotels and flying in private jets.

He showers them with so much love and affection in such a short period, sends them flowers and asks them to be his girlfriend.

Once trust is established, he complains about his enemies following him and financial problems, then the women feel obligated to give him money and get loans for him.

He uses these loans to live a lavish lifestyle and never pays back.

So what are the lessons we can get from the documentary?

1. Love bombing is a real thing

Love bombing is a form of emotional abuse which makes you vulnerable and susceptible to getting hurt.

It is very strange to meet a man for the first time and he starts sharing deep life secrets, showering you with excess love and attention without pacing it to gauge how he really feels.

It is weird if two days after meeting him, he says he loves you and he wants to marry you.

By making such promises, you feel an attachment to him (like you have known him all your life) and even have hope for a future together even though all he says are lies.

2. Do not be lured by the personality people project online or money

People’s Instagram and online profiles are carefully curated lies. Do not get carried away by what looks good while ignoring obvious red flags. Often, women were lured by the rich lifestyle he projected.

Nigerian women are fond of attaching themselves to really wealthy men as a way of elevating their own social status despite how poorly these men treat them.

3. Abusers words never match their actions

An abuser will tell you, “I love you, I need you. I can’t imagine life without you.” while hurting you so deeply, and you might use the words for succour while denying the clear physical actions.

4. Do not collect a loan on behalf of anyone or give large amounts of money to people

I remember this guy I just met who was asking me for N50,000 to repair his car. That was our second date, and he was making that request.

Many people online commented that Nigerian babes will not fall for that because they do not like to spend money but that is not particularly true

If you are a working woman and a man makes you feel like ‘it is our problem’ you might be inclined to give him the money, but the most stupid thing is to borrow money to give him.

5. Do not share private details with people you just met

No one needs to know where you live, how much you earn, who your parents are on the first date. On the first date, the conversations should be light and be about enjoying yourself and not like a job interview.

These women were giving their passport and credit card details to a man they just met, how crazy was that!

Finally, have boundaries and do not let your desperation for love make you allow a random stranger cross your boundaries.