Award-winning Ghanaian playwright and motivational speaker, Uncle Ebo Whyte has laid out some advice for the youth who are in a relationship.
After six decades on planet earth, the influence and rapport that celebrated playwright Uncle Ebo has managed to garner for himself is beyond fathomable comprehension.
A man solely driven by the love and respect for the artistic creations has influenced the minds of many unsuspecting youths across the country and beyond with his comedic, satirical plays highlighting personable qualities that should be emulated by all.
This time his advice does not come in a play form but definitely something worth reading.
Here are 13 common relationship mistakes, the motivational speaker revealed, that today’s youth are making.
- The orphan mistake
You fall in love with a young man and he does not introduce you to his family. He tells you he doesn’t have family and he’s alone in this world. Now if you believe him and go ahead with the relationship you are making the orphan mistake. The problem with making the orphan mistake is that when the relationship hits a snug, you have no one to turn to from his side.
In most cases, that is exactly how that person wanted it. So if you fall in love with someone and you know it is serious, demand to meet his or her family or at the very least, let him introduce you to a mature responsible person who can hold him to account. You marry someone whose family is not involved in the marriage at your own peril.
- The fast track mistake
A young man with great excitement tells me that he is going to get married in a month. I asked him, ‘how long have you known this lady?’ ‘Oh I’ve known her for three months,’ he says. I say ‘three months is too soon for you to be talking about marriage. Give yourself a little more time to get to know her better.’ The young man dismisses my concern with, ‘you know, you don’t need time when you know you have found a good thing.’
Well, the marriage came on but after three years it was over. You cannot fast track a love relationship. It is time for people to reveal themselves fully and it takes time to get to know people well. If you do not give yourself the time to get to know the other person well enough, you are making the fast track mistake and you have set yourself up for a huge disappointment.
- The ‘Asana’ mistake
A godly young lady comes to me and says, ‘I was raised to say no to sex until marriage but my boy says, ‘if I do not allow him to have sex with me then I should not blame him if he strays.’ I tell the young lady, ‘if you give in to his pressure and have sex with him that will be the end of the relationship. She decides that I do not know what I’m talking about and so she goes ahead to give him sex. After that, the boy just vanishes from her life. She could not reach him. She had made the asana mistake.
Asana is a cheap drink made from corn and the sellers allow prospective customers to taste it before they make the decision to buy. Hence the name from the Ga language. Asana is cheap and the sellers can afford to let people taste before they buy. And when a girl gives in to a boy’s pressure and gives him sex, she has cheapened her values and in most cases, the boy will simply walk away.
Whenever somebody compromises his or her values just to hold on to a relationship, they have made the asana mistake and will lose out sooner or later.
- The mousetrap mistake
Esi wants Kwesi but she realises that he’s not into her as much as she is into him. So she seduces him into having sex with her and when she gets pregnant she uses the pregnancy to blackmail him into marrying her. Esi has just made the mouse trap mistake by trapping Kwesi. The problem with the mousetrap mistake is that the girl may get the boy to marry her but sooner or later. He will wake up to the fact that he was trapped and that is when the problems will start.
- The fire service mistake
This mistake is made by good and decent boys. This is how it happens. A lady is in distress and John, a caring young man goes into help and continues to show care and concern. But before he knows it, he has been sucked into a romantic relationship with the girl he went in to help. John has mistaken caring for romantic love. The fire service mistake never ends well. In the end, the boy who came into help ends up becoming a villain in the girl’s life, as he realises that caring is not the same as romantic love.
- The Oshin mistake
Those who are old would remember that the first soap opera to screen regularly in Ghana was Oshin which was the name of the lead character. The feature of Oshin is that she was always asking for forgiveness. Even when she had not done anything wrong.
Oshin’s mistake in a love relationship occurs when one party in the relationship, keeps begging the other one for love and attention. Begging for love, robs the person of their dignity and makes the person less attractive.
- The bushfire mistake
This mistake happens when someone rushes into marriage just for sex. In the 70s, a young girl I knew kept saying, ‘Brother Whyte, I’m burning and so I must get married.’ Soon after secondary school, she got herself married because she said “burning”.
Unfortunately, her husband got the chance to travel to the US for a conference two weeks into their marriage. When he got to the US, he refused to return and of course, his wife, could not get a visa to join him. The result was terrible. Anyone who marries just for sex sets himself or herself up for disgrace and for disappointment.
- The ‘galamsey’ mistake
The galamsey mistake happens when a young man in a committed relationship, cheats on his girl and sleeps with another girl. He has done, as it were, ‘done galamsey’ and the result is often the destruction of trust and the compromising of the future of the relationship.
Just as galamsey compromises the future of the environment.
- The stealing hotel towel mistake
Hotel towels are not meant to be taken home. They are for everyone to use and leave behind. The stealing hotel towel mistake happens when a girl falls in love for a known player and decides herself into thinking hat she can change him. Just as stealing hotel towels can result in disgrace, so does committing the stealing hotel towel mistake in a love relationship result in heartbreak and disgrace.
- The monkey mistake
It is said that monkeys play by sizes and for good reason. The money mistake in a love relationship happens when a boy goes in for a girl way above his class. In such a situation, “the monkey” has not played according to his size and the result can be death as was the case, in the play, Othello.
- The cornerstone mistake
This mistake happens when a boy for whatever reason pulls away from his true love only to discover later that he cannot live without her. In such a situation the stone that he rejected has become the cornerstone. Unfortunately, the realisation that it is true love he walks away from comes when he is married and/or she is married and getting back together is no longer an option.
- The ‘trotro’ mistake
Most trotro drivers do not observe the number of passengers on board unless the police are on the road. Committing the trotro mistake in a love relationship happens when anyone, be it the boy or the girl forces himself or herself into a relationship where there is another person.
For instance, a boy has a girlfriend and another girl is forcing to get the boy. The second girl is making the trotro mistake.
- The toddler's mistake
Little children love to copy whatever their parents do. So you have small girls wanting to apply lipstick and makeup while you have small boys wanting to shave just like they see their dads do. The toddler's mistake in a love relationship happens where people who are dating, merely dating, act as if they are married. As if they are husband and wife.