This is a perfect poem for Muslims whose faith is rough this Ramadan

'A Half Ramadan' by Key Ballah

You aren’t sure

if you believe in God anymore,

not anymore.

Not after everything.

You can’t bring yourself to bend,

to fast,to pray.

not anymore.

You don’t want to disbelieve,

but you’ve tried,

really tried.

you’ve sucked it all in,

swallowed hard,

ignored ignored ignored.

But how could it be possible that a being

that is everything good

that God could have watched him

dismantle your body,

could have watched your mother burn,

could have watched your father bloody,

could have watched your grandmother beg?

So you stay in the middle

in some sort of half belief.

Some sort of leaving but not wanting to

some sort of foot in, foot out.

But you still say inshaAllah

because if you don’t

that thing might not happen.

You still recite Ayatul Kursi when you’re scared because you don’t know what else to do.

The Athan still makes the hair on your arms stand up.

You still keep the prayer app on your phone.

You still say mashaAllah when you see something beautiful.

You’re still afraid of jinn.

Stories of the Prophets still make you excited. You’re still half here, but you’re also half gone.

Key Ballahis a Toronto-based writer and Hip-hop enthusiast. She is the author of the poetry collection, Preparing My Daughter For Rain, she melts faith, love and her experiences of being a woman of color navigating the western world in her writing. This poem was culled from her website www.keywrites.com

ALSO READ: 10 Leila Aboulela quotes for when you need an Instagram caption for Ramadan