Relationship Talk Would you take marriage advice from a divorced person?

If they couldn't make their marriages work, why should they be advising others, right?

  • Published: , Refreshed:
Toke Makinwa play

Toke Makinwa's marriage with Maje Ayida broke down publicly last year, leading to the release of her book, 'On becoming.'

(Instagram)
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If there is to be a selection of ideal people who qualify to give relationship or marriage advice, who should they be?

Some people believe that any divorced person should not be allowed in this category.

The idea is that people whose marriages have broken down should not be teaching others how to make a marriage work when they could obviously not keep theirs.

This is perfectly shown in a recent online conversation between Toke Makinwa and a Twitter user.

Toke Makinwa play Toke Makinwa (Youtube / Toke Makinwa)


The media personality tweets about her sister’s forthcoming  wedding and the Twitter user tells her to not bother giving the bride-to-be any marriage advise because, according to the tweep, she “dropped out” of her own marriage with Maje Ayida and “lacks experience.”

But come to think of it; shouldn’t divorced people be in the best position to give certain advice on what one needs to avoid in a relationship/marriage?

Their failures would make obvious pitfalls that newly-married people might want to avoid in their own marriages, right?

play Toke Makinwa is advised by a twitter user to stay off relationship advice. (Toke Makinwa / Twitter)


So, really, one can’t shut divorced people up on marriage and relationship issues. They usually have lessons from their botched marriages which can inspire some very good advice to other people.

On the other hand, people believe that old people who have been married for so long are the best people to get relationship advice from.

This is not a disparagement of the useful experience that comes with long marriages, but one can’t particularly place all trust in the words of every old, married person.

ALSO READ: Why commitment is the ultimate relationship goal

What if their marriage is just long and not happy?

Remember that people stay in marriages for several reasons, and some of those reasons are not always good. Imagine a woman who remains in a marriage because of her kids, or because of the fear of what people will say and society’s negative labels for divorcees.

 

So a man or woman who stays for donkey years in an unhappy marriage qualifies to give relationship advice but someone who leaves their bad marriage does not?

That does not make much sense, does it?

play Some say only old, married people qualify to give relationship advice. (Pinterest)

There are also people who believe that if you are not in a relationship or if you have never been in one, you should not be giving relationship advice.

If you have never been married, no one should listen to anything you say on marriages.

They say such thing is akin to the case of the blind leading the blind.

Views as this try to invalidate the wisdom of certain [and quite rare] people who are truly wise on marital issues despite being unmarried, and those who have no boyfriends or girlfriends but are truly deep and hold sensible views on relationships.

Of course their knowledge can be dismissed as being just theoretical and untested in an actual relationship or marriage of their own and that could probably be right.

Learning communication is one great trait everyone needs to have play If you are not in a relationship, some people do not want to hear what you have to say about relationships (New Haven)

All in all, I believe that everyone should know what’s best for them - the kind of relationships they want, and the kind of people they’d allow to influence the relationships.

Anyone can give good or bad advice, whether married or unmarried, young or old, experienced or inexperienced – although some have a higher tendency of giving good advice over some others.

Also relationship and marriage advice [and all other forms of advice] are actually meant to be taken or rejected.

So it does not matter who gives the advice, if you think it’ll work for the kind of relationship/marriage you have with your partner, then take it and use it, even if the giver is divorced.

If it won’t work for you, please drop it like it’s hot, even if the person giving it has been married before Lord Lugard amalgamated the southern and northern protectorates of Niger area.

You can make your opinion on this matter known by taking the poll below:

Would you take marriage advice from a divorced person?»

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