I love my country so much and with what is happening, I think it will be unpatriotic of me not to try and wade in and may be, offer some advice. I am sure one or two people will listen to me.
So my first port of call had to be the Ota Farm to dialogue with Chief (Dr.) Gen. Olusegun Aremu Matthew Obasanjo, or better put, Uncle Sege, Nigeria’s former Military Head of State and later, civilian president. You know the man is a good friend of mine and I have visited the Animal Farm, sorry, the farm for animals, several times to dialogue with him, especially on sensitive national issues.
This is like my seventh visit to the farm and Baba has always been in a good mood but this time around, I was shocked to meet Uncle in a very foul mood and I knew I had to tread softly so as not to get a taste of his ‘other side’.
In case you do not know, Baba’s ‘other side’ is so tough that you could become food for his pigs.
So a note of warning here: if you meet Uncle Sege in a wrong mood, please do well to give him room.
Like I said, Baba was fuming and you could see smoke billowing out of his ears, a sign that he was furious. As I was ushered into his presence, I prostrated before the Lord of the Manor, hoping he will not unleash on me.
He did not waste time at all. No pleasantries, no banters or chitchats like he is wont to. He was angry and you could see it in his bloodshot eyes.
It was apparent Baba had taken a large amount of ‘Palmy’, tapped fresh from one of the numerous palm trees that dot his farm.
“Isaac,” he started in a very coarse voice that had Yoruba written all over, “I swear I will deal with Jona. I will so deal with him and even that Sambo, that when I am through with them, they will know that once a soldier, always a soldier.”
“Ah, Baba, please take it easy,” I started to plead with him.
“Take what easy? I ask you, take what easy? Do you know what that small boy has done to this country? Imagine a boy I picked from a small classroom in Bayelsa and imposed him on Nigerians, now turning against me. When I picked him up, he had no shoes but I did not mind all that. Now, he has grown a thick head and does not regard me again. He does things any how without first consulting me.”
“But Daddy, he is the President of Nigeria and…”
“Ogbeni, gbenue so, shut up there. What kind of President is he? What does he know about governance? I was a military Head of State in this country and later became a civilian President. Do you know what that means? Does he know what it means to be a military Head of State? I put him there and he should abide by my instructions. If you put someone there, you expect him to consult you before he takes any decision, even before sleeping with his wife. But Jona has hurt me real bad that I am tempted to do to him what I did to the people of Odi. I will crush that common teacher.”
“But sir, he was a lecturer, not a teacher,” I said.
“Look at you, common journalist like you, what do you know? Lecturer and teacher, what is the difference? Don’t they both use chalk to teach? I am not going to let Jona put me to shame o. Did you read that love letter I wrote to him?”
“Yes sir, but I did not finish it because it was too long.”
“Then you are an ‘olodo’, a numbskull, a dumb-head. Go and read that letter and you will see how Jona has destroyed Nigeria. He has destroyed our great party, the PDP, with his divide and rule ideals. Look at how he sold out to APGA in Anambra State, ACN in Edo State, Labour Party in Ondo State. Is that how to rule? He is playing God with everything, taking actions capable of leading Nigeria to doom. He is craftily angling for a second term.”
“But sir, you also tried to go for a third term…”
“Will you keep quiet when a general is talking? Do you know you are in my palace and I can throw you out? Who told you I wanted a third term? Was it not Nasiru Mantu that was making that noise? Take your time o. Jona has practically destroyed this country and I must stop him. People are hungry; there are no jobs; no hope for the people, and yet he and his ‘yeye’ people like Rueben Abati, Doyin Okupe and Labaran Maku, keep saying things are okay. Imagine how Boko Haram people are killing Nigerians under his watch and he cannot do anything about it.”
“But Baba, how would you have handled the Boko people?”
“Were you not in this country to see what I did to Odi people after they killed six soldiers? Only six o! I would have destroyed Borno, Adamawa and Yobe States by now.”
“Sir, are you aware that the presidency has come out to accuse you of being greedy, indecent and a coward?”
“Thunder will fire them there. Who is a coward? Where was Jona when I single handedly ended the civil war?”
“But Baba, some of the people who fought the civil war said you were not even close to the war front.”
“Are you mad? Were you there? Is it because I allowed you to come in here that you are talking rubbish? Where is my ADC? Sergeant Korofo, come here now and deal with this stupid boy.”
I looked up and there comes this man mountain and I knew my own has finished. I had to force myself to wake up from the nightmare staring at me.
(In My Head is a crazy creation of the writer and everything goes on in his head. Believe him, you will believe anything)