Why is Gov. Ortom of Benue sending a battered woman back to her abuser?

In case you missed it, Governor Samuel Ortom of Benue, with a smile on his face and photo ops to boot, has just handed a battered wife, Ifeanyiwa Angbo back to her husband, Pius. You can read all about that, and Motolani Alake's opinion on the issue HERE.

The wife had cried out to the public about her husband's horrific, brutal beatings and at the time of Ortom’s ill-advised decision to send her back, she still had fresh, visible bruises on her face which must hurt as bad as they look. The husband is a Channels TV employee by the way while the woman is an employee of the Benue State Government.

While Governor Ortom had a smile on his face as he linked them up again but all I have are questions and questions and more questions

Is this reconciliation a thing to be positive about?

Hell no. There’s nothing happy about this. This is not me being pessimistic about the chances of a bad marriage becoming whole again. Governor Ortom, as good as his intentions might be, is missing the point by trying to mediate as a father. He is not their father and his role as a Governor is to ensure that the lives under his jurisdiction are protected and safe - using the force of the law and other legal processes. He has only set this woman up for a possible fatal end.

What they should have done instead

Arrest the man for battery and assault first of all. And if [without pressure from anyone] the woman wishes to not press charges, then a proper mediation by marriage therapists and counsellors can then be set up for them while they’re temporarily separated. Let both of them think well and hard if they want to remain together, while they go for these marriage therapy sessions. That way, they’re being given a chance to reconcile willingly, or divorce if that’s what they’d rather do.

What has Channels TV, the husband’s employer done?

Is domestic violence part of marriage's 'ups and downs?'

Again hell no. Mr Ortom should really have just kept many of these thoughts to himself. It wasn't good to hear him say this: “some of us are not also innocent. As young couple, we underwent some of these challenges in our marriage life and that is why when I had the unfortunate incident, I have to call the two of them with some of my cabinet members to assist me so that we can mediate." Eskis sah, domestic violence is not part of the ups and downs of a marriage. It should never be.

What does all this tell us about Nigeria and domestic violence?

That the weightiness of domestic violence as an offense is yet to dawn on the vast majority of Nigerians. Look at the bruises on this woman’s face and the first instinct of a Governor - a man who is meant to be a senior executioner of the Laws of the land - is to carry out a half-hearted attempt at reconciling them alongside his cabinet members. This is not helpful to the woman [who I’ll bet is not so chuffed at the idea of going back home with that man], neither is it helpful to others who intend to speak put against domestic violence. It’s all round just awful that the governor got involved in this matter, and in this manner.

I mean, how can he not see that getting involved with the express and sole intent of reconciling them - according to his own words - is already prejudicial to any pre-existing decision the woman might have made to leave. The governor in essence pressured this woman into the reconciliation. Here is a whole Governor of the state where you work for the government bent on making you do something. It doesn't sound to me like the woman was given muc of a choice. Yeah, so she was pressured but it was done nicely.

Where do we go from here?

It is time to do away with all the old mindset of staying married at all costs. Everyone, especially we the young ones, needs to realise that the length of a marriage is not as important as the length of your life. If you stay in a marriage of domestic violence, you’re inviting death. You will die and your kids will move on with their life, your spouse will remarry and the religious leaders, or influential person telling you to carry on against your wish is going to carry on with their lives.

Run for your life if your husband or wife is an abuser. Don’t let nobody tell you shit. Run as if you saw a lion! I mean, aren’t abusers just as terrible as wild animals?