‘Heaven forbid you end up with a guy who hasn't blown’ — Toke Makinwa on relationships, money and men

• Toke Makinwa said relationships have always involved an exchange of value, arguing that transactional dynamics are not a new phenomenon.

• She blamed many men for the rise of transactional dating, saying some have little else to offer besides money.

• Her remark that women should fear men who become successful after marriage has sparked heated reactions online.

Nollywood actress Toke Makinwa has sparked widespread debate after appearing on the Mentality podcast hosted by Ebuka Obi-Uchendu and Banky W, where the conversation centred on how women really feel about men.

Several of her comments drew significantly more attention than the rest of the discussion, with public reaction splitting sharply between those who felt she was speaking hard truths and those who dismissed her views entirely.

On the subject of transactional relationships, Toke was unapologetic.

"From time immemorial, a relationship between a man and a woman has always been transactional, right from the garden of Eden, right from our parents' days," she said. 

"You know, a woman will feel like she wants to ask her husband for something, she has to throw on the nicest underwear, make his best meal, rub him, like Esther, before she had to go before the king. Things have changed over the years, now social media is a bit extreme."

She went further, placing the blame for how transactional dating culture has evolved squarely on men. "The degree at which it is happening now, I would blame the men. Sometimes that's all men have to offer."

When the conversation shifted to the increasingly aggressive culture of women "billing" men (demanding money and gifts as a condition of romantic involvement), Toke drew a clear line between that behaviour and what she described as dating responsibly.

"I'm a big believer in dating within your wage, that way, there will not be stories that touch," she said. "You will have a good girl at home, a girl who will even make dinner with her own money when you don't have. Yet, some men will still want to cheat on her with a woman they can't afford."

It was her comments about men who come into money that generated the sharpest reactions online.

"Heaven forbid you end up with a guy who hasn't blown. The day he blows, that is when you will know his true personality," she said. "Money doesn't change people; it just reveals who the person is. So many men are treating women who sacrificed everything for them badly."

The remarks fed directly into a debate that has been running across Nigerian social media for months, years even, around the ethics of transactional dating, the expectations women place on men financially, and whether those expectations are shaped by genuine cultural norms or by an increasingly online-driven performance of relationships.

Reactions to Toke's comments remained divided, with neither side showing any signs of changing views.

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