A 1,200-Pound Grill Nearly Killed This Chef. Then He Almost Killed Himself.

It was November, 2014, a few days before Thanksgiving, when a 1,200-pound, wood-burning grill fell off a truck during unloading and crushed Howell, breaking his right leg in 12 places.

I had tons of synthetic heroine in me. For five months, I didn\'t even know who I was.

Howell came close to undergoing an amputation and almost died during his third surgery. He spent an entire day in a medically-induced coma and then five months in bed.

I had tons of synthetic heroine in me, all the time, he remembers. I had pills that made me crap, because my body couldn't. For five months, I didn't even know who I was.

After those months, Howell was still in a fog. Feeling frustrated and weak, he started drinking heavily-vodka, bourbon, and gin. At one point he asked his then-wife, Aubrey, to remove a gun from the house. He twice checked himself into a psychiatric hospital. He hadnt taken more than two weeks off work in over 25 years. Being sidelined was killing him.

I had always been the man, he says. I was not the man anymore.

In March 2015, Aubrey insisted on rehab, and Howell finally conceded. He spent 84 days at Pavillon in Mill Spring, then committed to talk therapy twice a week.

I was never vulnerable, he says. Id never shown my vulnerability. I thought that was a weakness. Throughout my whole life I thought it was a weakness.

Until you see other people in the same boat as you and realize that youre not this unique guy, then you just can\'t heal.

But the vulnerability of group therapy was revelational. Its probably what pulled me through more than anything, Howell says. "Until you see other people in the same boat as you and realize that youre not this unique guy-that there are other people just having the same troubles as you are-until you do that, then you just can't heal.

Healing for Howell meant learning to become a human being again. It also meant reevaluating the Scott Howell before the accident, an exercise that taught Howell he hadn't been as successful a person as he might have thought.

I was never that grateful about anything, he admits. It was always on to the next thing. And everybody needs to see how great Scott Howell is and all that shit. Though Howell was fair, there wasnt a single cook that wouldnt call him intense. In the kitchen, Howell was intense. I plowed through people, man. If you werent coming with me, I just plowed over you.

The plowing had consequences. Howell and his wife Aubrey have since divorced. Were great friends and great business partners, Howell says. We just cant be married anymore, which sucks. I lost that.

But the chef found his way back to cooking-and to a new version of himself. Im a lot better coming out the other side. I learned that I needed to listen to people and genuinely care about what they were saying. I dont think I would have ever been able to accomplish that if hadnt been stopped. I would have just kept plowing over people. Im so appreciative now.

Now, Howell's back in the kitchen with this new mindset and his classic look: chef whites, shorts, and a baseball cap. And like always, food doesn't leave the kitchen without being tasted first, ever.