Theres this joke around town that FCT Minister, Mohammed Bello, only proves how useful he is when President Muhammadu Buhari is on his way out of the country through the international Airport in Abuja.
Holding aloft an Umbrella as the rain beats against the tarmac in the background, Bello has come to epitomise just how underwhelming the Buhari cabinet has been.
Buhari took six months to inaugurate his team; when the first six minutes of his Presidency would have sufficed.
The list was made public following weeks of needless drama.
When we eventually got hold of the list, the same old names had returned.
It has been a cabinet of foot-dragging where action is badly needed, worn out ideas where creativity would have made a difference and verbosity where action would have sufficed.
One Minister recommended masquerades as a way of boosting tourism, the other tendered exporting grasses as a solution to Nigeria's herdsmen crisis and another glibly said recession is just a word.
Agriculture Minister Audu Ogbeh has said so much about diversifying the economy through his portfolio, but there's been nothing to hold onto, one year after.
Finance Minister Kemi Adeosun loves to talk a big game, but save for her flawless English and Cockney, the economy has faltered, crashed and burned on her watch.
Minister of Budget and National Planning, Udo Udoma, can't seem to put documents together for the national assembly without creating a scene.
Lai Mohammed stole a behavioural campaign from a PR firm and then denied doing so. When he's not passing wrong information across, Mr. Mohammed's disorganised Ministry can be smelt from miles away.
Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN), Godwin Emefiele is no Minister, but when he's not raiding the parallel market with the secret police, he can't say whether his new policy framework is a float or a devaluation.
Transportation Minister Rotimi Amaechi was last seen boarding a train with the President. When he's not insulting people from his region in the Niger Delta, he's starting a fresh battle with the Governor of his State or commissioning press statements to say he didn't attempt to bribe Judges.
Communications Minister Adebayo Shittu loves to wear hand gloves to parties. Not for him the love for detailed policy that would have revolutionised his Ministry. When MTN accepted in principle to pay a fine for its bad practices, Shittu said he didn't even know a deal had been struck.
Abdulrahman Dambazau loves to have his feet cleaned at public functions by orderlies. He enjoys and offers nothing else.
Buhari's spokespersons sing from different hymn sheets. They prefer reactivity to proactivity. Information is often slow to get out; and when it does, it's so beaten up and mangled that it loses its meaning.
Sports Minister Solomon Dalung runs his Ministry like the Boys Scout or Man O' War. He's the last person you want overseeing the affairs of a contingent to the Olympics or a crucial football qualifier.
Emmanuel Ibe Kachikwu was doing well back when his brief also meant overseeing the affairs of NNPC. But even he has been sucked into the vortex of inertia that characterises the Buhari administration since he was emasculated and asked to mind his business as a Junior Petroleum Minister.
Heineken Lokpbori's name only comes up at the pub; and Usani Usani oversees the Niger Delta from outer space.
Solid Minerals Minister, Kayode Fayemi, has slipped into ghost mode.
Everywhere you look in the Buhari cabinet after 12 months, deadwoods abound.
If the next 12 months of Team Buhari are anything like the first, the administration should really begin to look at the prospect of being voted out in 2019.