The place of money, love and sex in a marriage

Marriage is not a child’s play, having to live with someone who has a different upbringing from yours; you will need a lot of patience.

Money; money they say answers all things. To even pay for a woman’s bride prize, you need money; hence money is needed to continue taking care of her. An igbo adage says, ”aku na esi obi ike—meaning wealth or money gives confidence. A man with money is confident and a woman her husband showers with money is confident too. Like my brothers’ friend will always tell his girlfriends, “As you can see I don’t have money now but I’m a medical personnel with a great future.” Well, I wonder if the girl will be eating great future and medical personnel for the meantime. Money is important in marriage at least to feed the family and provide the basic needs of life.

LOVE; The man is the head of the family, breadwinner, provider, protector etc, like we were taught in primary schools. In the church and in the scriptures, the man is to love his wife, just as Christ loved the church and gave his life for her. The love a man is supposed to have for his wife is compared to the love Christ has for us---UNCONDITIONAL, SACRIFICIAL, LOVE. The woman is to reciprocate this love. A husband is to love his wife as himself. A woman is to be loved because she is the weaker partner with a more tender heart. A woman that is being loved well by her husband won’t find it difficult submitting and respecting her husband. A loving man easily commands and gets the respect of his wife.

Dear men if you love yourself, then you are under obligation to love your wife, as much as you love yourself.

Sex; sex is a cement used to cement love. I doubt if a great marriage will be possible without good sex. There is a difference between sex and love making, any sexual relationship had outside marriage is sex, sexual relationship within the walls of marriage is love making. Endeavour to make love to your partner very well, as and when due. Any woman her husband meets her sexual needs; it is easily seen on her face.

Submission and respect; while it is the duty of a man to love his wife, a woman is to submit and respect her husband. A respectful and submissive woman easily commands and gets the love of her man. Respect is the greatest need of a man from his wife.

There are things a man needs but can get outside if he so desires;

Your husband comes home to you for respect after being bossed around in the office, being told what to do by parents; he depends only on you (his wife) to get respect.

Since I started saying YES SIR to everything my husband says, I noticed he changed a lot. When I asked him, you don’t do this or that again, you have changed, he would reply, ‘I didn’t change, you did’.