Dating in Lagos as a bachelor is not easy

Here is a tongue-in-cheek account of what dating is like for men in Lagos.

Dating in Lagos for men is a unique experience (Ebony)

What's dating in Lagos like for men in Lagos? Well, it is hard as further maths. It is not a straight science, and it has more to do with luck than anything else.

What's the worst date I have been on? I think it's a tie between a movie date and another movie date. Come to think of it, I have had a lot of forgettable movie dates.

In the first date, the lady's vocabulary did not go beyond monosyllabic. 'Yes', 'No', 'OK', are three chosen words for the day. I am not Larry King but come on, a date is supposed to be a conversation between two people, but some ladies in Lagos believe it is meant to be one-sided.

Anyway, the second worst date was a case of cat fishing. Let's just say that when she showed up at Ozone Cinema, it wasn't who I expected. There's a difference between thick and... never mind.

I know a lot of guys who have been catfished, and it is just part of the dating game in Lagos. You never know who is going to show up. And I blame social media and these damn filters for that. Skin tones change under filters, and with dog ears and dog tongues you never know who is truly behind the mask.

What I have learnt from dating in Lagos is that a lot of women you meet expect you to be a drinker and smoker. I don't do both. You should see the look on the faces of my dates whenever I say this. It's like they have just seen a rapping unicorn.

Then the questions come reeling off? Why don't you smoke? Why don't you drink? So what's your vice? Are all guys in Lagos drinkers and smokers? I don't indulge in alcohol or nicotine not for moral reasons but just because. It is that simple. In the context of going out on a date, it is not simple. It's strange and weird.

Scooping a date online is more random than you think. There is no science to it. You shoot your shot and hope it lands. There used to be nothing more crushing than your 'hi' being met with a no-reply, silence, the echoing of your rejection in the four walls of her DM. You kind of get used to it after some time.

Then let's talk about money. Dating in Lagos is expensive. Uber rides, restaurants gulp a lot of money without you knowing. That's why it is important to know the economic range of the babe you want to take out before you shoot your shot.

I remember googling the favourite restaurant of the babe I wanted to take out on a date. A plate of ofada rice was N15,000. I moon walked my way out of her DMs fast. I didn't come to Lagos to spend N15,000 on one plate of food. Love is not do or die.

There was also another instance when a lady who I had gone on a couple of dates with gave me an ultimatum to buy her shoes she saw on Twitter. Obviously, I looked like Dangote to her. We were not even a relationship, and she was already billing me. Of course, I didn't stay around to buy her shoes.

There are other stories including dates not showing up claiming they forgot (most times its a lie, sometimes it is true and it is a bad sign all time) and your date bringing over a friend (Lagos classic).

Here are 5 rules for guys when dating in Lagos;

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