How it feels to take back a partner that cheated

Cheating and infidelity will almost certainly remain part of society till the end of time.

Obviously, partners will still fall for the temptation to cheat and do things that contradict their marital vows or betray the trust of a girlfriend or boyfriend.

In this situation, only one of these two things can happen- one either lets that cheating partner go, or one takes them back.

If your decision is to take back a cheating partner, here’s a list of things that happens:

1. The relationship never remains the same

More often than not, partners who get back together after a breakup do not return to the same level of affection, trust and faith they had before the cheating occurred.

2. You expect the worst

Taking back a cheating partner kind of prepares you for the worst, says Uwanma Odefa, a relationships vlogger and radio talk show based in Lagos.

“Your mind is made up for the worst after the person cheats and you take them back.

One is just going to ask his or herself that ‘what’s the worst that could happen that hasn’t already?’” she adds.

ALSO READ:7 commonest reasons why people cheat

3. Emotional distance

The knowledge that a partner has cheated on you interrupts the flow of positive, loving emotions from your end to theirs.

Many couples never hit their normal level of emotional connection anymore.

Loss of trust, that sinking feeling of being betrayed, the hurt of having been played and taken for a fool… it hardly goes away easily, if ever.

Taking back that cheater will cost you months, maybe years or a lifetime of reining in your emotions.

Even if it eventually happens, it’ll take time before it happens. For a while, [maybe longer than a while,] there will be an awkwardness to everything you both do.

4. Fear and uncertainty

“What if he does it again?”

“How am I sure she won’t go back to that ex again?”

You can never know for sure. The uncertainty often lingers; the worry that he or she might still be ‘codedly’ doing it doesn’t go away easily.

“When someone does something once, they may be inclined to keep it up,” Uwanma says.

5. Physical intimacy

Of course, sex has to happen at some point after he or she has been taken back. And while the sex could be bomb as it’s always been before their affair with someone else, physical intimacy might take longer.

You may find yourself wondering whether the other person did it better, you wonder whether they are thinking of that other person during the sex.

It may or may not affect performance in that moment, but it surely has a way of blocking the physical intimacy. Sex kind of becomes mechanical, a way to just release sexual tension and not particularly a passionate way of expressing affection.