As Lagos goes under water, we've got a few tips the government won't bother sharing with you.
It’s after all, why we are here.
You are welcome.
Because it’s not going to get any better until September, at the very least.
According to the Nigeria Meteorological Agency (NIMET), we should expect plenty more rainfall in the next couple of weeks across the country, no thanks to rising sea levels and global warming.
That means more inches of rainfall, more mud and swamps and more crater-sized potholes.
And since age-long problems like clogged drainage channels, building fancy homes on water channels, indiscriminate sand filling, poor planning and prevention methods and lack of a master-plan, aren’t about to be wished away with a wave of the hand in Lagos, here’s how to survive in this
megacity mega-sea-ty while you still can.
You can call it the ‘Lagos flood starter-pack’ for all we care.
If you thought those boots cum reflector waterproof jackets were only designed for firefighters, traffic wardens, rice farmers and emergency management agencies, you could well use a rethink at the moment.
Imagine that you arrive your office and can’t get in because the whole terrace is submerged? Cool.
Just slip into your jacket, helmet and boots and step into your cubicle.
Like a boss.
You could throw in some goggles too for effect.
If you reside in flood-prone areas like Lekki, Ikoyi, Victoria Island or Ajah, now may be the best time to invest in Canoes.
Maybe a Kayak or Dinghy.
Ask the dude who was sailing across Ahmadu Bello last weekend.
So, while everywhere is submerged on a Saturday morning and you need to badly stock up on groceries, you can actually set sail from Ajah to Shoprite in Lekki, or from Ahmadu Bello in VI to CMS or from Ligali Ayorinde to Ozumba Mbadiwe.
Hey guys, your four wheel drives and trucks won’t amount to much this period. Invest in boats and canoes and just, you know, set sail.
The Lagos State government says you should relocate from the Island to the mainland if you can’t stand the flood.
That’s a pretty expensive option, you’ve got to agree--unless camping under the Ikeja bridge is your idea of relocating.
Instead of risking getting drowned as you make your way to the mainland, we’ve got cheaper alternatives you can try: how about you bunk/squat with neighbours who reside several floors above yours for a while?
Because, let’s face it, the ground floor is a very unsafe place to reside right now. You could go to bed in Ajah and wake up in Orile at this rate.
Give it a thought and move upstairs while you still can.
Hey, it doesn’t matter what car you drive at this time.
You still gonna lose fan belts, radiator fans, whole engines, kick-starters, brain boxes, bumpers, wipers etcetera.
Car engineers will be smiling to the bank on your account this period and there’s nothing you gonna do about it.
So, when you draw up weekly budgets these days, make provisions for how to fix the car that will inevitably come under severe wear and tear from saline Lagos floods.
You see, all that flood water is a Lagos epidemic waiting to happen.
That water you dip your feet and hands into is bound to leave your skin and intestines infected.
It’s called science.
You’ll need to stop the bacteria and viruses swimming round the place dead in their tracks by undergoing routine medical check-ups with the rest of the family.
Stock up on sanitizers as well and maintain decent hygiene habits until the water recedes. Always wash what you’ll consume thoroughly and that includes vegs and fruits.
It’s a tough time to live in Lagos and please, do stay safe out there because we need you alive to keep reading Pulse.