ASK PULSE: I divorced my wife and she left the children with me - Is this right?

I divorced my wife and she left our three children with me, is that how they used to do this divorce thing?

Dear Pulse,

My marriage has packed up. It was good for as long as it was, nothing special. I was married to my wife for 7 years and we have 3 children. Somewhere in the 5th year, I lost attraction for my wife because you know how childbirth changes a woman.

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I started to cheat and she caught me several times. Anyway, we started to quarrel a lot and there were one or two violent fights before we got to the inevitable end. I initiated the divorce and maybe I expected her to fight for the marriage like women do but she didn't. Instead, this woman packed her things and left the children with me!

Which woman does that please? Shebi they said women have an everlasting connection with their children, maternal instincts or something. I don't think my wife has it. How can you leave all 3 children under 7 with a man? She has been gone for 2 weeks, she doesn't care how we are coping, feeding etc.

She only calls every evening to check on the children and she will be laughing one annoying laugh. I had to beg my mother to come and help me but she is old, and there is little she can do. I wake up at 5 am for school runs and by the time I get to the office, I am so tired. I sleep for like an hour to get myself.

This woman is wicked! In a divorce, is the woman not supposed to take the children so the man will be like a bachelor, that's what happened to my friend now, why is my own different?

— Frank.

Dear Frank,

It sounds like you’re going through a tough and unexpected situation, and, it is understandable that you feel overwhelmed right now. Divorce is never easy, especially when children are involved, and it’s clear that you didn’t anticipate this outcome.

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But let’s take a step back for a moment.

In most divorces, yes, children often stay with their mothers. However, every situation is different. Your wife may have felt exhausted—physically, emotionally, and mentally—after everything that happened in the marriage. Perhaps, after years of dealing with infidelity, conflict, and even violence, she saw leaving the children with you as the best or only option. It’s possible that she needed time and space to rebuild herself.

It’s also worth asking yourself this: before the marriage ended, who handled most of the childcare? If your wife had been the primary caregiver for seven years, she might have been dealing with burnout. Now that the roles are reversed, you’re experiencing firsthand what it takes to raise children full-time. It’s difficult, right?

Your frustration is valid, but blaming your wife may not be the best way forward. Instead, you need to focus on what happens next. Have an honest conversation with your wife. Try to understand why she made this decision instead of seeing her as wicked. Ask her what she needs and whether there’s a way to co-parent effectively.

You already have your mother assisting, but consider reaching out to other family members, hiring help, or arranging childcare if possible. You also need to adjust your perspective. Instead of seeing this as unfair, try to see it as an opportunity to bond deeply with your children. They need love, stability, and care from both parents, regardless of who they live with.

The end of a marriage is painful for everyone involved. Take some time to reflect, acknowledge your role in what happened, and work toward being the best father you can be.

— Pulse.

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