‘Eburu ozu onye ozo o di ka ukwu nku’
This is a Nigerian (Igbo) proverb which literally means - Someone else’s corpse may seem like wood to you if you are not directly affected.
This proverb only just got a clearer meaning as my most recent loss is the passing of the first male I ever set my eyes on. If you guessed Daddy, then you are right. You never really understand till you feel pain directly. It’s a ‘walk in my shoes’ kind of scenario.
Nothing ever prepares anyone for the loss of a loved one and having to cope with your new reality is one of the hardest thing ever. You see, you will be told to stay strong, remain hopeful and try to find purpose from the pain you feel. All these are very valid words but until you really feel pain, you will not heal.
So, cry if you have to, scream if it makes you feel better but one fact is, you will have to face the responsibilities that come after a loss. For a fact, your routine stops abruptly but as sad as it is, time never waits for when you are in pain.
To help anyone going through a loss, the pointers below are from my experience during this period and I hope you learn a thing or more. Let’s find a silver lining together-
- Loss makes you accept more challenges.
By responsible, I mean taking up challenges that you ordinarily would not do. I hear that you never know how strong you are until you have no other option than to be strong. This is so true and you have to be in a difficult situation before you find out if you can really pull through. A few days after Daddy was laid to rest, Mum found some time to let me know she was appreciative of the several challenges I had handled with no supervision. Life will give you lemons, brace up, suck it all up and do not give up.
- Loss reminds you to create beautiful memories when you still have time.
I was going through pictures of Daddy and I, pictures together while I was a kid, holidays in our hometown, random pictures together, milestones celebrated together and I was so thankful we shared beautiful moments together. I was thankful because when I think about him, the memories will be a reason to smile instead of feeling sad. The loss of a loved one reminds you that no one is promised tomorrow, tell your family you love them, be kind to people, call those you have not heard from, appreciate those who care about you, pray together and please create beautiful memories.
- Loss strenghtens your Prayer life
The loss of a loved one is an incident that instantly jolts you back to reality. You suddenly remember no one is guaranteed a new day and if you have been living life on the fast lane, you tend to slow down a bit to reflect on how you have been living. Asides trying to live a meaningful and intentional life, One thing I have done a lot recently is Pray.
As a Christian, I have become more interested in praying about everything and for everyone I know (including myself). Praying have always been a `go to’ source for strength but I have noticed how ‘intense’ it has become. A lot of prayer is good addiction, right?
Apparently, we have to accept loss as one of the `lemons’ life throws at us. However, what we do with the lemons and lessons we learn play a huge part in finding purpose while we are in pain.
Share your thoughts.
How do you find strength after a loss?
What reflections have you had after a loss?
Written by Faith Abogonye (Phaytea)
Asides going about her 9-5 in high heels, Faith (also called Phaytea) loves to creatively write about everything her heart beats for on Phaytea’s Pulse (https://phayteaspulse.wordpress.com). She is enthusiastic about God, Media, Administration and her Family.
Fun fact: Every morning, she constantly resists the urge to have a Cupcake instead of Green Tea/Lemon. So far, Green Tea seems to be winning. Find her on twitter and Instagram: @phaytea