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I bet everyone has once had a horrible boss, at least once! For some, they’ve had ONLY horrible bosses. Like from fry pan to fire. I consider them quite unlucky. I mean!! Who did you offend?

Anyway, I had an experience with one once. Emphasis on “once”. And I don’t want it to ever repeat itself again. Apparently when I was done with Uni, I wanted to work so badly, so I told everyone I was looking for a job and kept nagging and whining in such an annoying way.

Eventually, a friend of mine gave in and told me about a job opportunity as a P.A to the CEO of a Company. I was super excited. I immediately started imagining business trips with the boss and travelling around the world. Boy! Was I in for a surprise.

First of all, when I started working; she would always request for Amala, ewedu and egufe early in the morning. That always bothered me and in truth, it still does. I mean how can someone wake up and the first thing on your mind to eat is Amala?! Oh well! It’s really none of my business.

The annoying part is I was forced to leave the office in my neatly pressed TM Shirt and Marks & Spencer trouser to go to the market. By the time I’m done, I’d be reeking of fish and all kinds of body odor. Quite unavoidable, after several people have squeezed past & sandwiched me. Like that wasn’t enough, I got back to the office and she said “Tiny!! What kind of f@#king egufe is this? Why is it so small?” And I’m thinking, “Did she just curse at me? I tried to explain to her that it was the biggest egufe the woman had that I got for her, but she wasn’t having it. When she was done, she asked me to come and clear up and of course wash up as well. I dreaded it. By the time I was done, my hands where obviously smelling like I was the one who just wacked 3 wraps of Amala. Sigh!

Unfortunately that wasn’t all my Barbie princess boss wanted, she developed a habit of sending me to the market to buy her food stuff from ogbono to okro, chicken, fish etc. and she also expected that I’ll take it to her house cook it and clean up. Like that wasn’t enough, she soon had me bathing her puppies and taking them for walks. 8 of them!! It was a nightmare. She called me at odd hours like 2am, 4am etc and be asking about random documents or asking me to send her credit. I remember always wondering if she ever slept at night. And who calls at 2am to ask for credit?! She had slowly but surely zapped my whole free/ sleep time. I practically had no life.

Can I also mention here that I was highly underpaid and now should also be a good time to mention that I never travelled. Oh well! After working with her for 4months and getting paid once. I decided it was time to quit. I had quite enough of the slavery and “house help” work as my brother often said. But I decided to wait for a good time to tell her.

One fateful day, I went to work and went through the usual Amala routine, and of course I came back smelling of fish. And of course she yelled and cursed at me for buying her the smallest meat. The day dragged on but by 10:00pm I closed and went home. At about 12:30am, she called me and started to ask about some irrelevant files and documents, and I wasn’t exactly giving her the answers she wanted.

So she got mad and started yelling. I clicked the mute button on my end and set the phone down beside me, after listening to her complain and nag for about 15mins, I had an idea.

I thought, since she can’t hear me, I might as well tell her off and give her a piece of my mind. Anyway to cut the long story short, I started to tell her to go to hell and went on to talk about how I thought she wasn’t okay for always eating Amala early in the morning. Unfortunately, I didn’t press the mute button properly the first time. So she could hear everything I said.

I was talking so much crap I didn’t realize she had gone quiet and was now listening to me running my mouth. By the time I realized, it was too late; I had said it all. The only thing she said to me was “Tiny, you’re dead”.

Let’s just say I never went to work again….