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5 tactics for having difficult conversations when you don't like conflict

Address uncomfortable situations head-on by getting right to the point. Have a frank, respectful discussion where both parties speak frankly about the details of an issue

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1. Begin from a place of curiosity and respect, and stop worrying about being liked: While it’s natural to want to be liked, that’s not always the most important thing. Lean into the conversation with an open attitude and a genuine desire to learn. Start from a place of curiosity and respect — for both yourself and the other person. Genuine respect and vulnerability typically produce more of the same: mutual respect and shared vulnerability.

2. Focus on what you’re hearing, not what you’re saying: You don’t actually need to talk that much during a difficult conversation. Instead, focus on listening, reflecting and observing. Gather as much detail as possible. Ask follow-up questions without blame.

3. Be direct: Address uncomfortable situations head-on by getting right to the point. Have a frank, respectful discussion where both parties speak frankly about the details of an issue. Talking with people honestly and with respect creates mutually rewarding relationships, even when conversations are difficult.

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4. Don’t put it off: Instead of putting off a conversation for some ideal future time, tackle it right away. Get your cards on the table so you can resolve the issue and move on.

5.Expect a positive outcome: Focus on the long-term gains that the conversation will create for the relationship. When your attention is focused on positive outcomes and benefits, it will shift your thinking process and inner dialogue to a more constructive place.

(Adapted from “How to Have Difficult Conversations When You Don’t Like Conflict” at HBR.org.)

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