Goodluck Jonathan said so much in a new book than he ever said during his one-term spell as Nigeria's President.
It all has to do with a book written by Olusegun Adeniyi.
Adeniyi is Chairman, Editorial Board of ThisDay newspaper.
The book is titled: “Against the run of play”.
The launch of this book is slated for next Friday, but a pre-launch edition has been made available to nosy journalists for promotional purposes.
A few excerpts from the book have dwelt on Jonathan who only handed over power to incumbent President Muhammadu Buhari two years ago.
And it’s been lamentation galore from Jonathan, if those excerpts are anything to go by.
Let’s cut to the chase…..
Jonathan may have lost the presidential contest to Buhari by some two million votes, but he hasn’t forgiven the head of the electoral umpire, Prof Attahiru Jega, who oversaw the entire process.
Recall that during the vote collation exercise, a certain Godsday Orubebe stalled proceedings while screaming: “Jega we will not take it, Jega you are biased, you are tribalistic…”
Jega you are this…Jega you are that…
At the time, it was becoming increasingly clear that the incumbent was losing his throne.
For those who wondered whether Orubebe was speaking for Jonathan or not, the following may well be your answer:
"I was disappointed by Jega because I still cannot understand what was propelling him to act the way he did in the weeks preceding the election," Jonathan said.
"As at the first week in February 2015 when about 40 percent of Nigerians had not collected their PVCs, Jega said INEC was ready to conduct an election in which millions of people would be disenfranchised."
Recall that Jega had insisted that the Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC) was ready to conduct the vote initially slated for February of 2015.
However, Jonathan and his security team headed by a certain Sambo Dasuki, disagreed.
The former President explained why his administration shifted the poll by some six weeks.
In Jonathan’s words; “When the military and security chiefs demanded for more time to deal with the insurgency, the reasons were genuine.
"As at February 2015, it would have been very difficult to vote in Gombe, Adamawa, Borno and Yobe States. But the moment all the arms and ammunition that had been ordered finally arrived, the military was able to use them to degrade the capacity of Boko Haram to the level in which they posed the threat to the election”.
Jonathan believes that the only reason why Jega didn’t want the election postponed was because the bloody Americans were urging him on.
Poor Jega, as we all know, doesn’t even have a mind of his own.
Here’s Jonathan to explain it all.
"Of course, the Americans were encouraging him to go ahead yet they would never do such a thing in their own country. How could we have cynically disenfranchised about a third of our registered voters for no fault of theirs and still call that a credible election?
"The interesting thing was that the opposition also supported the idea of going on with the election that was bound to end in confusion," Jonathan said.
Here’s a warning to all you Americans out there: Keep your noses out of our bloody business!
Come here, Jonathan, we gat ya!
Okay, forget all you knew or read up to this point. Jonathan didn’t lose the election because majority of Nigerians voted for APC’s Buhari.
Jonathan didn’t lose the vote because he had under-performed as President and voters were yearning for change.
He lost because former American President Barack Obama, didn’t like his face.
What a light bulb moment!
How it took this long for us to figure it all out, beats me.
“President Barack Obama and his officials made it clear to me by their actions that they wanted a change of government in Nigeria and were ready to do anything to achieve that purpose. They even brought some naval ships into the Gulf of Guinea in the days preceding the election”.
Naval ships in the Gulf of Guinea?
All because Obama wanted Jonathan out…what a desperado Obama was!
Hold on a second, Obama committed more atrocities.
Barack even made most Presidents around the world despise our own Jonathan.
We’ll not take it!
“I got on very well with Prime Minister David Cameron but at some point, I noticed that the Americans were putting pressure on him and he had joined them against me,” he said.
“But I didn’t realise how far President Obama was prepared to go to remove me until France caved in to the pressure from America.”
Weeks before the election, French President Francois Hollande, joined “the Americans in supporting the opposition against me”, Jonathan said.
Jonathan added that he wasn’t as corrupt as the Americans made him out to be.
“There was this blanket accusation that my body language was supporting corruption, a line invented by the opposition but which the media and civil society bought into and helped project to the world. That was the same thing I kept hearing from the Americans without specific allegations”.
This is the part where you are allowed to pull out your hair and scream ‘traitor!’
Adamu Mu'azu was PDP chairman when Jonathan was seeking reelection.
According to Jonathan, Muazu was a friggin’ back stabber.
"What happened was very sad not for me as a person, but for our democracy”, Jonathan lamented.
"Take, for instance, the PDP National Chairman, Alhaji Adamu Mu’azu.
“I believe he joined in the conspiracy against me. For reasons best known to him, he helped to sabotage the election in favour of the opposition."
Mu'azu was hailed as the ‘game changer’ by Jonathan during numerous PDP rallies ahead of the general election.
Whoever thought Mu'azu also changes the game for the opposition?
What a guy!
Sorry, what a snake.
Solomon Arase was Inspector General of Police (IGP) during the Goodluck Jonathan era.
Jonathan hated the sight of Arase groveling at the feet of his successor when he left Aso Villa.
“I felt really betrayed by the result coming from some northern states. Perhaps for ethnic purposes, even security agents colluded with the opposition to come up with spurious results against me.
“You saw the way the Inspector General of Police, a man I appointed, suddenly turned himself into the ADC to Buhari immediately after the election”.
We are very sorry, Sah!
Jonathan thinks Buhari is out to get him.
The former President also loathes the anti-corruption campaign of the incumbent.
“I feel sad about the way my family is being hounded”, Jonathan wailed.
“Society is like a building. You build it one block at a time. If every president decides to go in to dismantle what his predecessor did, society will never make progress. I expected President Buhari to correct whatever mistakes I may have made and then carry on from there.
“But a situation in which people go into exile for political reasons is not good for us.
“His style of fighting corruption is different from mine and since most Nigerians apparently prefer his style, it is okay. There are steps you take that will help in retrieving ill-gotten wealth and punish offenders while restoring confidence in the system. But there are also things you can do to damage the system”.
Jonathan says he lost the war against Boko Haram because the terrorist sect regarded him as an infidel.
"I did my best and so did the military, though I can understand if there is greater commitment to the fight now than in the past. In my time, Boko Haram said they were fighting an infidel government. That naturally has to change since they cannot also call Buhari an infidel.
“There is a feeling of ‘our man is there now’ that you cannot discountenance. It was the same feeling with me with the Niger Delta militants at the initial stage in 2007”.
Jonathan also dispelled reports that he didn’t do enough to rescue the Chibok girls in Boko Haram custody.
”The allegation that I didn’t care was false. Immediately I was alerted, I called the military and security chiefs for a briefing after tasking them to get to the root of the matter. Information was initially hazy and there were things that did not add up.
“More than 200 girls were reportedly abducted from different hostels and then put on an open trailer that had no railings. In the same trailer, according to reports, Boko Haram fighters loaded foodstuff.
“The girls were said to have been abducted by people claiming to be soldiers. The military people were on ground and I relied on the information I could get from them. Of course I cared and charged them to find the girls but every effort we took was twisted against me to score cheap political points.”
Remember to share a hug with Jonathan today.