Fani-Kayode and Jimoh Ibrahim served us a lunch time brawl. And we are just here for the laughs
Unless that a mud fight isn't good for the kids back home. So, you may as well activate the Parental Guidance (PG) in you before proceeding with the rest of this post.
Fani-Kayode, ever the agent provocateur, threw the first jab. And he's spent the entire day hurling insults at Ibrahim.
Ibrahim's offence? The businessman belongs to the Ali Modu Sheriff faction of the PDP.
Fani-Kayode belongs to the Ahmed Makarfi faction of the same political party.
So, this was a war between two camps.
On Wednesday, the Appeal Court sacked Ibrahim as PDP standard bearer for the Ondo governorship election.
The Appeal Court ruled in Eyitayo Jegede's favour.
Jegede is Fani-Kayode's candidate.
Ibrahim has promised to challenge that ruling at the Supreme Court.
Shouldn't Fani-Kayode at least show some mercy to the man who just lost a court judgment?
Nah, some things are never taught in EFCC custody.
According to Fani-Kayode: "Jimoh Ibrahim is a ravenous beast. Everything he touches turns to shit. When you put a pig in a big fine house it will still shit in the corridors and sitting room and foul it up because that is what pigs do. That is Jimoh for you. He is a big, fat, ugly, greedy and disgusting pig. He was born and raised in the gutter and the gutter never left him".
Ibrahim wouldn't take those jabs lying down, so he turned Michelle Obama's advice on its head: 'When they go low, we go low'.
"Tell Femi Fani-Kayode that my father was never called a traitor. I never married more than once and I don't have a room in Kuje Prison".
But the businessman wasn't done. He had to drag 'King Jollof' into his mud fight.
"Please help me to ask Femi Fani-Kayode that how many plates of Jollof rice do I need to get him served before he sings and dance for me?"
We really have no answer to that question, but here's what we do know Fani-Kayode said in response:
"Whether Jimoh the pig likes it or not he will NOT be our candidate on Saturday and Eyitayo Jegede will proudly carry our flag. We shall win!
"Please tell Jimoh Ibrahim that unlike him I am not a fraudster, I am not a political spoiler, I am not an agent of destruction and I am not a spy".
And if you knew nothing about Ibrahim's sexual orientation, that's because you aren't Fani-Kayode's bestie.
“Please tell Jimoh Ibrahim that his over stretched anus from his sodomy activities needs to be stitched up and his schizophrenia must be treated.
"Tell Jimoh the pig that unlike him I do not have a covenant with the devil, I am not a ritualist and I do not sleep in coffins for money".
Ibrahim has a couple of grounded businesses to his name and Fani-Kayode was there to remind him of those.
"Tell Jimoh Ibrahim that I do not owe banks money, I do not buy companies and destroy them, I do not owe my workers salary and I do not brag.
"I was glad to have grounded and banned Jimoh the pigs shitty airline EAS in 2006 when I was Min. of Aviation. His planes were flying coffins".
Ibrahim had his response waiting: "I would be demystifying myself to be trading words with Femi Fani-Kayode. Someone who will sing and dance Makoosa for you if you give him food.
"Someone tell Fani-Kayode that before 2019 I would have gotten world-best scientists to come up with a cure for his undiagnosed bipolar disorder.
"If you know someone that knows Femi Fani-Kayode, help me pass this message to him; "I AM A BILLIONAIRE. I DON'T HAVE A CASE WITH EFCC."
See enh, we are done with these guys!
But seeing as we have to decide a winner before you return to your laptop, who, in your reckoning, won this fight?
Now, you may return to work and keep a straight face like nothing happened.