Pulse Opinion: When it comes to having sex in the car, don't just do it

Interestingly, the debate is being stirred by the police and the confusion is arising from within the top echelon of the police force.

Recently, a couple decided to be “creative” by ditching their apartment for some steamy sex in their car. Reports say the incident occurred in some undisclosed neighborhood in Lagos.

No one knows exactly when this steamy car sex happened or what time of day it was, but one neighbor who wouldn’t mind his own business, alerted other neighbours in the hood, and before you could say ‘Olofofo’, the couple was being shamed in their own car for having sex in a public space and the lady had her panties wrapped round her knees and she was doing her utmost best to conceal her breasts; shame and ignominy etched all over her fine features.

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Last year, something called 'Magun' allegedly struck a couple having sex in the car in the Ogba area of Lagos. They didn't live to tell their story.

When Head of the Nigeria Police Force's Public Complaint Rapid Response Unit, ACP (Acting Commissioner of Police), Yomi Shogunle, was asked to clarify the police’s stand on sex in a car, based off recent incidents, he reeled out quite an eyeful on Twitter.

According to Shogunle, "Sex in a car in a public place is not a crime in Nigeria provided; 1. Location is not a place of worship 2. Parties are 18 yrs+ 3. The act is consensual (agreed to by parties) 4. Parties are of opposite sex. If threatened with an arrest over above, please contact @PoliceNG_PCRRU”.

To tell you how much people love car sex and all the thrill it brings, Mr. Shogunle’s tweet has been retweeted 2, 161 times and counting, racking up close to 2,000 likes, with almost all the dailies and online news platforms in the land giddily informing their readers that having sex in the car wasn’t against the laws of the land after all. To think that we didn't devote this much attention to the electoral amendment billfor instance!

24 hours after Shogunle’s tweet however, the spokesperson of the Lagos Police Command, Chike Oti, said his colleague’s take on car sex and that it really is illegal to make out in a car anywhere in Lagos outside of an apartment.

Oti said: “The CP Lagos has been advised by the Director of Public Prosecution of the state Ministry of Justice and the Legal Department of the State Police Command, Panti, Yaba, with relevant sections of the law as follows: Section 134 (a) Criminal Law of Lagos State 2015 prohibits any indecent act in any public place without lawful excuse.

"The law holds that such person is liable on conviction to two years' imprisonment. Section 136 of the Criminal Law of Lagos State, 2015 provides that any person who commits any act of gross indecency with another person in public commits an offence and liable on conviction to three years' imprisonment.

"It must be noted that Section 134 which deals with offences against morality, particularly section 134 (a), has it that indecent act in a public place makes both parties engaging in the act liable to imprisonment for two years”.

We now have a situation where two high ranking police officers are singing from different hymn sheets on a subject as germane to nation building and life-saving as car sex! Okay, sorry, I was just messing with y’all.

What does the law say about having sex in the car outside of Lagos though? Because the nation's constitution also frowns at indecent exposure in a public space, as far as I know.

The cold hard truth is that car sex is indecent exposure, whether at night or during the day. That we are even discussing this makes me cringe. No one wants to see your balls and privates in a car by some stroke of misfortune. Especially because it is offensive to kids as well.

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Fine, sex behind the sheets could become boring, routine and stuff, but there is the bathroom, the sofa, the kitchen sink or the living room table. Heck, there is the wardrobe as well if you have a problem coming out of the closet. And there are thousands and thousands of hotels where you could just pay a little something and take your sex life to another level if your own bedroom becomes such a bore-fest! Anywhere else but the car!

And since law enforcement is divided on the subject of car sex, maybe you should just avoid it altogether. Trust me, the thrill of banging in some damp, moist and air-conditioned car is not worth the trouble of having a hundred pair of eyes judging and clapping in your face and calling you 'ashewo'. Car sex is not worth having to face the police to discuss bail, just because you were trying to act out some pornographic fantasy.

If the law says car sex is immoral and that car sex could earn you three years behind bars, then don’t do it. Because when you are charged with indecent exposure and what not, Mr. Shogunle won’t be there to plead your case. For all we know, Mr. Shogunle isn't conversant with what the law really says on the subject. The police is not known for accurate interpretation of the law in these parts. Better then to be safe than sorry. There is the law and there is commonsense.