It's all fun in the sun until you realize that you literally have nothing in common.
In fact, there are so many things you fantasize about happening that aren’t even close to the reality of what actually goes down when you find a fling that's just fun from June to August.
Here, prime examples of what we always get wrong about that summer love fantasy.
1. Expectation: Making out so hard on the beach sounds bomb.
Reality: Except sexual activity and sand are, in fact, the worst combination of all time. Let’s get real: Outdoor summer lovin’ is best kept by the pool. Or, you know, in the air conditioning with Orange Is The New Black on.
2. Expectation: Strolling through the streets licking an ice cream cone hand in hand.
Reality: More like fighting froyo farts and your bloated stomach busting out of your romper. Notions of you two frolicking down the main drag, arm in arm, enjoying a sweet treat (a la Noah and Ali from The Notebook) are quickly dashed when you realize you’re both lactose intolerant and still in that new love phase of trying to pretend like digestive issues don’t exist.
3. Expectation: Rolling through a grassy meadow, making flower crowns, and feeding each other grapes.
Reality: You spend more time swatting away a bajillion insects than actually enjoying this outdoor foreplay. Pack some bug spray in that picnic basket, girl. Pretty sure bite marks aren’t in your picturesque vision, at least not the kind you get from bloodthirsty mosquitos in the middle of July.
4. Expectation: He’s going to invite you to live out your days with him in an Italian castle.
Reality: His invite only comes after he hits you up for bus fare. Oh we’ve all got the foreign lover fantasy. When in Rome, drink wine, explore hidden alleyways, and find a dashing European gent to sweep you off your feet and steal your heart. But check your wallet to make sure he didn’t steal your identity first.
5. Expectation: Your summer fling's main purpose is to be your wedding date for the next few months.
Reality: Jokes on you. You weren’t even given a plus one. Apparently those are reserved for serious couples only. Looks like you’re still flying solo. What was the point of this summer hook up again?
6. Expectation: “We met on vacation in paradise, but the long-distance relationship we're facing now will never break this bond!”
Reality: But 18 TSA pat-downs later, you're having second thoughts. You’re wondering why you ever thought you could make a Miami to Seattle romance work—his biceps, oral skills, and witty comebacks aren’t worth all the airfare.
7. Expectation: Hot summer nights are sultry, sexy, and, well, hot as hell.
Reality: Tangled up in the sheets with your electric summer fling, sweating so profusely it feels like you both went swimming pre-sack sesh. Thanks but no thanks.
8. Expectation: Makin’ love in the hot tub sounds like the making of your own sexy reality dating show.
Reality: But IRL, you're just making a bacterial infection. You wanna get busy with your dream man in the Jacuzzi? Better make plans to get busy with your gyno, too. The love in this tub is gonna turn into a raging yeast infection real quick.
9. Expectation: Sunbathing together all day makes for a pretty hot night.
Reality: Well, it is hot. But that's because you're both lobster-level sunburned. It was all fun and games until you fell asleep in each other’s arms and forgot to reapply SPF. Now the only thing that’s getting a rub down tonight is your scorched red skin with a gallon of aloe.
10. Expectation: This summer fling could be the life-changing romance that turns into a wedded bliss by next Fall.
Reality: It's all fun in the sun until you realize that you literally have nothing in common. You were attracted to his poolside abs and sexy smile, but now that you're a month or two in you're realizing that those are pretty much the only two things you like about him. The only solution: Less talking, more sexing.
11. Expectation: Making out on the ferris wheel at the state fair.
Reality: Being stuck on that thing for an hour when it breaks down is not so fun. Neither was the sticky leftover candy apple left in the seat by the previous passenger, the long-ass line you had to wait in to get there, or the astronomical ticket price of the state fair these days. Kiss on a porch swing at home; the view isn't that great anyway.