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Lady Smarts 14 things men think turn us on. Even though they definitely don't

14 women share the things men have done with the sexiest of intentions that just missed the mark (sometimes by a long shot)

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‘How I fell in love at first sight’ - 4 guys explain play

‘How I fell in love at first sight’ - 4 guys explain

(Atlanta Black Star)

“He tried to give me a lap dance. He was no Magic Mike.”

There are about a gazillion things guys do that are sexy AF, from flashing a genuine smile to wearing a well-fitted T-shirt (yum). But sometimes, the things men think are sexy just end up being awkward, annoying, and occasionally offensive.

Here, 14 women share the things men have done with the sexiest of intentions that just missed the mark (sometimes by a long shot).

1. Sending Elaborate Sexts

"My husband is the worst at sexting. When I travel for work, he does his best to keep things steamy. But I cringe every time I get one of his well-intentioned text messages that says something like 'I want to manipulate your nipples.' I just picture him using a thesaurus to come up with verbs to insert into the sexts, thinking he's being poetic." Breanne

2. Taking Butt Selfies

"I tend to go for super-athletic guys. And I've had two different guys I was seeing send me selfies from the gym flexing their glutes while wearing compression pants. One was even captioned, "Look at all that ass." I get embarrassed just thinking of them posing sideways to get the right angle for a butt pic." Victoria

3. Saying, "Ask Me Anything"

"I can't stand when a guy's online dating profile or Tinder profile says 'Anything you want to know—just ask' or 'Go ahead and ask me anything.' They think it's coming across as if they're an open book, but it really sounds so self-important. Dude, this isn't a press conference, and you're not a celebrity. Give me something to work with so I can do my part as an engaging conversationalist."Emma

4. Recreating Porn

"I can always tell when I'm with a guy who watches a lot of porn because he starts bending me into weird positions and acting like my legs don't have joints. It feels more like Twister, less like sex."Whitney

5. Using the Word "Titties"

"The word 'titties' makes me cringe. I can't stand it if a guy says something like 'Your titties look great in that shirt' or if he uses the word during foreplay. They're breasts or boobs, not titties!"Sarah

6. Taking Forever to Finish Sex

"I was with a guy who bragged about taking at least 45 minutes to finish in bed. I think he thought it was his superpower. The first time we had sex, I just ended up tapping out because he really did take a long time, and my lady parts did not want to entertain a visitor who was overstaying his welcome." Courtney

7. Performing Lap Dances

"I went home with a guy and he legit tried to give me a lap dance on his couch. He was no Magic Mike. Basically, he dry humped me with the radio on commercials and all. I thought he was joking at first, but realized he was serious when I looked at his face and saw the sexy expressions he was trying to make." Patricia

8. Pretending to Know About Wine

"I feel bad even saying this because the guy was so nice! But I was out on a date and he ordered us a bottle of wine. He pronounced the bottle of pinot noir like 'pin-knot.' Then he did an overly vigorous swirl before tasting it. Maybe stick to what you know?" Ashleigh

9. Sending Dick Pics

"Every woman I know who is in the dating world has received the unsolicited dick pic. I don't think some guys know just how poorly their man parts photograph. Plus, I appreciate a good dick reveal the first time I'm intimate with a new guy. Just let me imagine what it looks like and then surprise me in-person. That's so much sexier than a fleshy picture assaulting my phone while I'm in a meeting at work." Jenny

10. Wearing Rhinestone Jeans

"Let's hope this trend dies with Ed Hardy T-shirts, but I can't stand it when guys wear jeans bedazzled with rhinestones. They just look like walking chandeliers." Casey

11. Buying Oversized Condoms

"My ex-boyfriend insisted on wearing Magnum condoms. He definitely did not need to size-up in the rubber department. I felt like it was a sales tactic, and he was trying to convince me that he was more endowed than he actually was. You know what's sexy? Condoms that stay on." Jessie

12. Taking Topless Selfies

"The shirtless bathroom selfies on Tinder and Bumble are the absolute worst. And there are so many of them. Even if he's ripped, I'm immediately drawn to how clean the bathroom is. Is there toilet paper stocked? Is there toothpaste grime on the mirror? Is the trashcan overflowing?" Erin

13. Driving Aggressively

"My ex-boyfriend would rev the engine at stop lights and drive fast, which is obnoxious in its own right, but he drove a Prius." Alexis

14. Posing With Dead Animals

"Who is right swiping the guys on Tinder who are posing with their kill? Every time I see a guy holding up antlers and beaming, I just think about Bambi. Same goes for the fish pics." Elise

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