Is Love At First Sight Real—Or Nah?

"Real love takes work and time, and its flawed because people are flawed," says Spector. Relationships are about working through differences, getting through hardships, and striking a balance with your partner over and over again. So, the idea that anyone can reach the pinnacle of a partnership at the very beginning-the instant your eyes meet without working for it-is "total B.S."

While love at first sight might not be real, you can still fall for someone pretty fast:

Sorry to be the one to break it to you, but the idea of love at first sight is simply a part of the love myth perpetuated by society and Titanic's Jack Dawson. "We grow up in a society where were supposed to pair off," says Spector. And so, as a way of upholding what were taught should happen, we convince ourselves (some of us multiple times) that weve found 'The One.' And, when you take a sec to think about it, telling yourself you've found 'The One' repeatedly isn't just ironic, but pretty much proves the opposite is true.

Now, dont get Spector wrong, shes a believer in love. Shes just absolutely positive it doesnt happen in one second. Instead, she says what youre calling 'love at first sight' is more often than not one of these:

1. A strong attraction

Not a bad thing, but not enduring love, either. Attraction is just that-nothing more, says Spector. Sometimes you see someone and theyre totally IT, but that assessment is based on nothing more than physicality.

And even when you start talking, getting butterflies or feeling a spark is totally possible-natural even. But a similar taste in music is-at this point-nothing more than desire, according to Arthur Aron, PhD, an associate professor of psychology at State University of New York, Stony Brook.

Circumstances, he says, also play a major role in how you might react to strong attraction. If youre experiencing family issues, or not on speaking terms with a good friend, this shift in how much nurturing and affection you're getting can prompt you to feed more into a brand-new romantic connection than if you werent dealing with stressors at all.

But, hey, even if it isnt love at first sight, strong attraction can be a great foundation for love to flourish.

2. Compensation for loneliness

No one wants to hear this, but youre probably feeling lonely, Spector says. Its totally understandable to feel left out if "everyone you know is getting engaged, or all your friends have significant others." Maybe you feel pressured to find someone-and fast. Or maybe, youve been single for a while and, in a push to get back out there, you lay the feelings on a little (okay, a lot) thicker than usual by equating meeting a nice person to being swept off your feet.

It feels really good to have someone who can meet your needs and quickly, but that feeling definitely isnt love.

3. Fear of aging

If "youre getting older, you want to have kids, and you want to settle down," you might be inclined toward a speedy attachment, Spector says. Theres no harm in having a plan or hoping things happen by a certain stage in life. But when they dont, you might find yourself diving into a relationship youve decided is "destined" when youre really just trying to beat the clock.

4. Frustration with dating

"Dating gets very exhausting," says Spector. (Tell me something I don't know, right?) "Theres also a great need-a human need-for familiarity and consistency," she adds. "When you have one person, you dont have to keep telling your story. You can just come home from work and go: 'Oh, I cant believe Mark did that again.'" That might explain why when you (finally) meet someone who catches your eye, you want to lock them down immediately.

5. A reciprocation of feelings

"The most common falling-in-love scenario [happens when] you meet someone whos reasonably attractive, and somehow you find out that they have some interest in you," says Aron. "Often, at that moment, people feel that they fell in love." And while these feelings can be completely valid, they are partially motivated by the fact that the person is already feeling you. That alone will subconsciously make the other person more desirable to you. And so, when you reflect on the moment your eyes locked, you're more inclined to believe it was love at first sight.

Bottom line: If you feel an instant connection to someone, it's probably worth pursuing, but calling it "love" would definitely be jumping the gun.