Women Talk Sex:‘Naija men are usually not bad in bed; they just lack one thing’

This week, we spoke to a Nigerian woman who’s not stingy with credit to Nigerian men for their sexual abilities. She only has one grouse with the lot of them, and it’s one she takes rather seriously. In this edition, she goes on and on passionately about how more Nigerian men could become gods if they could add just this one trick to the things they are already doing in the sack.

What was your introduction to sex like?

I think I have always known about sex. There wasn’t any form of parental control to what we watched while growing up and I think it was the same for almost everyone. So, from as early as primary school, I knew. Mostly from movies, but I also walked in on my folks one time.

Omo.

I must have been 7 or 8 at the time and they forgot to shut the door. It was a Saturday afternoon, I think, and I just wanted to go report my annoying brother that I forgot to knock. [Laughter]. As young as I was, though, I knew what they were doing. That’s how early I knew about sex

When was your first time though?

I think there’s something that knowing does to your curiosity. So I was curious for the longest ass time but I had to wait till 15, just before I left secondary school. It was with a boy from my school who also attended my church. We both didn’t know what we were doing but he was naturally a gentle boy so that translated into the sex thing too. It was awful sex but he was gentle, thankfully.

Having been curious for so long, were there… expectations?

I wouldn’t say expectations. More like, ‘how exactly does this thing feel sef?’ and I left that day feeling like ‘this thing feels… meh.’ It was just there. But that’s understandable, being so young, naive, and inexperienced, both of us.

So what’s your sex life like these days?

I think I am looking forward to a lot more but I’ll take what I’m getting now.

Looking forward to a lot more. Can you unpack that a bit?

Uhm, how do I explain this? I think that Nigerian men can be a lot more than they are now sexually and as a heterosexual woman, that’s a current issue for me and I believe it is the same for other women. Sex with Nigerian men can be very incredibly frustrating and exhausting AF. Can’t believe that as Nigerian women, we are supposed to be limited to this for all our lives. They are often too close-minded, sometimes judgmental, and ridiculously limited in their imagination. I know there may be a few of them who ride the wave of sexual adventure but far too many of them are cool with just doing a bit of foreplay [and that’s even if they are generous], and getting straight to it. If you are extra-lucky, you will get one who can last more than two minutes for multiple rounds. While it’s not as if that’s bad, I think sex is waaaaay more than that. Is that how I’m going to be fucking forever? That’d be frustrating now. But do Nigerian men want to hear this? No way. Let’s try this, mba. Let’s do that, mba. How about that? Same thing. I am going for my master’s abroad soon, hopefully, so I won’t have to deal with Nigerian men anymore - I hope. [Laughs] I need a different perspective and approach to sex, please. Tired of these ponmo men. Need to get my nasty on.

What’s your definition of nasty?

Butt plugs, ass play but for men, rimming, cuffs, a bit of spitting in their mouths, outdoor sex… you know, just all of that stuff that makes sex interesting.

So, no Nigerian man has ever agreed to do that with you?

Just one guy, really. The only other person - and he was the one who introduced me to my nasty side - was this guy I met when I was abroad on a holiday few years ago. At the time, I didn’t even know how much I was missing out on sexual pleasure until this guy ate my ass and for some weird reason I asked him to bend over so I could return the favour. It felt good and liberating to have such unrestrained, non-judgemental, experimental sex. And it wasn’t just the ass eating. It was just a bunch of steamy things. We did it blindfolded, he spat in my mouth at some point [laugh]... just crazy stuff that I would never have thought that I’d like but trying it took away all of those inhibitions and it turned out that I like it. I really do. And since then I have always enjoyed sex more with men who wanted more than just boring sex. But only one guy in Nigeria has agreed to try. And you know what’s funny?

LOL. Gist me

He liked it. He came like a motherfucker and even admitted that those were some of the most intense orgasms he ever had. But he started avoiding me soon after. LOL. I don’t know why oh. We were seeing and having sex and after a month, baba just locked up. My friend said he probably prefers when his women are less knowledgeable than me and that’s so absurd to me. Like, do you know how absurd that is? I choose to not believe it sha.

For clarity’s sake, tell me how absurd you think it is

The idea that men can be so insecure to the point of feeling some type of way when a woman matches up to them sexually or when she’s even more daring, freaky and into the act than them… so, so absurd.

I agree.

But like I said, I choose to not believe.

Can you remember any instance of trying to get nasty with someone and them freaking out?

Lol. I once spat in a guy’s mouth and he went to the bathroom to spit it out. And when he came back, he looked at me weirdly for few seconds before asking ‘why did you do that?’ as if we hadn’t been kissing since and exchanging saliva for several minutes prior. In the end, we laughed about it sha and he was cool but he didn’t want any of that. The highest he consented to was to be blindfolded and cuffed in only one hand. He said: “for security” [Loud laughter]. See Nigerian men are just a special set of people. Whoever messed us up like this deserves to be punished. I don’t know if you saw a conversation recently on Twitter where women were speaking on how difficult it is to be really freaky and completely nasty with Nigerian men?

I did.

See, I could relate to all of it. And it’s so sad. I don’t want to believe it has to do with ego because, what the hell? How are you jeopardizing your pleasure and that of your partner because you want to always feel like the one who knows all, despite your limited knowledge and backward sexual perspectives? Chai. And Nigerian men could be so much more. Fine, fine men and usually well hung. Have you seen Nigerian men down there?! [Laughter] Most of them are well endowed but absolutely lacking in the knowledge of what genuine, unfettered pleasure is about - either for themselves or for the women they’re sleeping with and it’s so sad. Imagine the things Nigerian women can be enjoying if men actually kept a positive, open mind when it came to sex. Like I said sha, I can’t wait to leave. Everything here will frustrate you, even the sex.

So sor-

And do you know what’s even crazier? The ones who do the barest minimum like giving head will now be feeling like they’re God’s gift to womanhood. Bruh if you don’t geddifok and go and learn. Mtchew.

LMAO. You’re so passionate about this

Yes I am. Very, very passionate sef. Nigerian women deserve more than this now. I am not saying head is bad oh. But that can’t be all you have. Add some more spice or at least, be open to it when your woman suggests the idea to you. It’s for everyone’s good and everyone’s pleasure. Can’t they see it?! At least, try it before you knock it. And that thing Nigerian men do where they mock women for exploring the length and breadth of their sexual preferences/options, it needs to stop. They need to stop it or stop complaining that Nigerian women lie like logs of wood during sex. That’s what you get when you are a stupid, backward man who blocks a woman’s sexual expression.

I’m lowkey scared to ask this but rate Nigerian men over 10

7, actually.

Oh. I wasn’t expecting it to be that high.

Naija men are actually not bad oh. It’s just that close-mindedness. Plus the good ones are really good and I have been with a number of those, thank God. It’s just that after a while it gets boring with them because they refuse to embrace other ideas and will not let you show them the extent of what they’re missing out on. Ok maybe I was too generous with that 7. I change my mind. I give them 6.

LOL. Rate yourself

8.5. I am going abroad and hopefully I’ll discover what’s left to unlock me fully.

Hahaha. I wish you good luck at that.

Thank you!

__________

Liked this edition? There's more where it came from. Just click HERE and check back every Friday for more stories.