‘Women Talk Sex’ is Pulse’s weekly series designed to capture the thoughts of everyday Nigerian women on sexual health, pleasure and what women expect good sex to be and feel like.
Women Talk Sex: My libido increased crazily during pregnancy, but my partner wouldn’t touch me
I don’t think people say it enough but being horny during pregnancy no be beans.
Referencing her personal experiences, the subject of Women Talk Sex talks us through a couple of sensitive issues which don’t get spoken about often. Chief amongst these issues is her forced celibacy during pregnancy - an ordeal that messed with her emotions in more ways than one, and shaped her current attitude towards sex now that her child has been born.
Tell me what your sex life is like these days
I’ve actually been celibate for about two years now.
That's such a long-ass time. Any reason in particular?
I’m actually still counting down till I say ‘I do’. The story of how my baby came into existence made me make a decision never to allow any dick in until I say I’m hitched. And I truly mean it.
Ok. Let's go back to the beginning. How was your sex life before the baby?
My sex life was just there with my first boyfriend. We were together for 7 years and I was really faithful so he was the only one until my NYSC days. He started doing anyhow and to think that sex with him was actually wack! I always had this burning sensation after sex with him. I think I might have been infected with an STI at the time but I couldn’t be so sure because I thought that was how sex was meant to be. Mind you, I had nothing to compare it with. Anyway, I never enjoyed sex with him. It was more like I was suffering and smiling.
So you bounced?
Well, I was fighting a lot of religious guilt throughout the relationship, anyway. I kept rededicating my life to God and would still go back to him until I almost had an accident on my way to his place and he never called to ask why I didn't show up. I hated him since then so, yeah, I bounced. I kuku didn't enjoy what I was having with him, so what was the point? Stupid somebody. Then there was this other guy who lived close by but I couldn’t enjoy sex with him because his dick was just too large. Kilode?! There was no single enjoyment with him either and I was already concluding that sex was overrated.
Then something happened?
Yes, something happened. I met two older men. Maybe I will drag one of them sometime in the future because he’s a bit popular in Lagos. But the other one… he was the one that made me feel what they call an orgasm for the very first time.
Tell me about it
The first time I came. Ha! Ha! As in ha! It was heavenly! Glory be to God for creating orgasm! Sex is actually sweet when you're getting it right. But I had to leave that man because I started feeling used. Still, I wanted to continue feeling what I was feeling with him so I started giving the cookie to the people who had been trying to get some, in the hopes that I’d click with one but none could deliver. So I decided maybe that was the end of sex and orgasms for me.
Hold on. How old were you at this point?
So how did you now overcome this mindset?
I met this Fulani man that changed everything. Aboki wey carry!
See. Everything they said about those people is true. They are indeed merciless in bed - but in a good way if you know what I mean. My experience with that man? Mad! He actually gave me back my sex life. He always just knew how to hit the right spot. We were so good together that I was actually considering marrying this man. Then I got diagnosed with an ovarian cyst and also found that I was pregnant. The cyst made me lose the baby.
Oh my God, I’m so sorry about that.
I really felt pained because I didn't even know I was pregnant. I was just always in pain. My tummy would ache as if it would burst. The painful part of it was that I went through the pain alone! This man did not even show up once to check on me throughout this period or even while I was in the hospital. He claimed he was busy and that he thought it wasn't a severe thing...
So I had to leave him.
What happened afterwards?
I met another guy right afterwards, who would eventually become my baby daddy.
Oh. Bouncing back really quickly, I see
I know right. He was exactly what I wanted in that we didn't take each other seriously that much. We were just like friends with benefits. I love him and his dick but we weren't serious. He wasn’t ready to commit and that suited me as I was also preparing to let go as soon as I could. But then the baby came and ruined things just when I was about to get myself back.
That’s life for you
I mean, we were just two months into what we had when I got pregnant. But I am grateful for the baby sha. LOL.
Interesting. I’d love to know what your sex life was like during pregnancy. It’s common to hear people say that women become hornier during that period. Was that the same for you or the opposite?
Actually, my libido got so high. I was horny as shit most of the time. Unfortunately, I had a misunderstanding with my baby daddy and he refused to have sex with me all through the 9 months. In fact, he wouldn’t even come to my house or let me go to his.
Omo. So how were you able to pull through?
It was tough o, I can’t even lie. I was always crying because how was I supposed to be sleeping with someone else while pregnant with this man’s child? But he wouldn’t touch me with a ten-foot pole, because of the fight we had. That was actually the first and only time in my life I begged for sex, cried for sex, even. Can never wish that experience on my worst enemy. I don’t think people say it enough but being horny during pregnancy no be beans o.
Omo x 1000
Even during my antenatal, the doctor advised me not to run away from sex as per first time mum. But did this man listen? I suffered, no be small.
So sorry you experienced all that
We move. I’ve had my baby and that’s that.
So you've been celibate since that time till now?
Yeah. I kinda made a vow to God that if he would let me have my baby without a caesarian section, I wouldn't allow any man touch me until I marry - not even my baby daddy.
Oh, I see
Sex cost me a lot. It's better I let go of what brought me so much pain till it’s legally mine so I wouldn't have to beg any man for what belongs to me.
Preach, sis! How has it been though, this celibacy thing?
Of course, sometimes I feel sexual urges but I quickly help myself by finding something to do or just switch my thinking to another thing entirely. On a scale of 10, I’d say it’s been 70% difficult. It’s hard but achievable, It’s been over two years now.
Rate your sex skills over 10
I’d say 6 because I'm yet to explore all I have in my brain. The time I had the right guy with what I would call the perfect dick, he didn’t want me. dick. I really think that during my pregnancy period, when I wanted sex all the time, would have been the best time of my sexual life because I was so. so ready and willing to explore everything but my village people denied me of that joy. LMAO. These days, I feel quite normal.
I've conquered sex and I'm still winning.
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