You want to avoid the disaster of being with someone not as sexually adventurous as you.
There is an endless list of things that could put a strain on your relationship or marriage. From inconsistency to unmet relationship needs, to a lack of proper communication and an imbalance in sex drive, among many others.
While the list above is not conclusive or absolute by any stretch of the imagination, it still contains some of the biggest and most problematic issues that couples and spouses have always had to grapple with. Chief among those issues, and most pertinent to this article, is the potential tragedy of being with someone whose sex drive does not match yours.
Sex drive aka sexual desire aka libido is simply the urge to seek satisfaction of someone’s sexual needs. The need for sexual gratification, of course, varies from person to person. And this is where the source of conflict lies.
Just as it is important to find someone whose values match yours, someone whose idea of life is not so different from yours, someone with whom you have a common ground on the most important life issues, so is it necessary to get you someone who shares a common ground when it comes to sex and the meeting of sexual needs.
And this is not just something that is particular to those who have a high sex drive. Even if you are not so big on sex, you also need to take the issue just as serious.
Because sex is such an important part of intimacy – Aminat Ayeni, a Lagos based sex therapist and of CEO of Aminat’s Secrets, Lagos says it is actually 50% important for thriving marriages relationships, - it creates a problem of sorts when partners can’t see eye to eye on the issue. It’s like two people supposed to co-pilot a plane but can’t even agree on the most basic things.
When partners have sexual desires that are so lopsided and so far apart in intensity, frequency and regularity, it really is not difficult to imagine such relationship hitting the rocks. Even if it somehow persists, chances are that such relationship will be filled with resentment, unmet needs, stifled expressions of intimacy and a whole of lot of konji brewing underneath.
It is particularly worse for married people who intend to be married once, who intend to get all issues fixed one way or the other, instead of breaking up. In such a situation, if both partners are not willing to either tone it down or up their game to meet each other half way, things become even messier and more complicated. It really is not a place you want to be in, to be very honest.
It is better to avoid such situations that to be in it and try to navigate your way out of it. This is why it has been repeatedly said that communication and some more communication is the best way to avoid all of this. Long before a relationship transforms to something more serious, partners need to have had all the talks imaginable, no matter how awkward it may seem.
Whether or not you are having sex in your relationship, it is important to talk about sex, talk about how to handle sex-related issues and the things you both expect of each other in the relationship/marriage.
No matter how you look at it, an unreconciled disconnect in the sexual desires of partners will always cause issues in their relationship.