ICYMI: The governor of Bauchi state, Bala Mohammed has just appointed a certain Balaraba Ibrahim as his Special Assistant on Women Affairs (Unmarried).

And in case you didn’t think you read that right, there’s actually more. This new special assistant is actually the Chairperson, Association of Divorcees in the state. Lol. So the Brilliant policy makers of Bauchi have a state-recognised association of divorcees. And now, someone to oversee the affairs of all the unmarried babes in the land.

Pretty mindblowing stuff, yeah. And we’ve just got few questions we’re genuinely confused about.

First, what the absolute heck does this even mean?

Will anyone in the innovative/forward-thinking/groundbreaking state of Bauchi care to educate interested people like us?

Who told them anyone needs this shit?

Well, maybe the teenage girls and ripe-for-marriage women of Bauchi may be begging for this, right? Fucking wrong!

And for the love of all things bright and beautiful, why not a woman?!

[Credit: Tenor]
[Credit: Tenor]
Tenor

Are there no females in Bauchi state? Why this?

What would his responsibilities be?

In this photo taken on Thursday, Dec 19, 2013 Nigerian Muslim brides attends a mass wedding in Kano [AP Photo/Muhammad Giginyu]
In this photo taken on Thursday, Dec 19, 2013 Nigerian Muslim brides attends a mass wedding in Kano [AP Photo/Muhammad Giginyu]
AP Photo/Muhammad Giginyu

I will be mad disappointed if his responsibilities do not include include matchmaking and organising the kind of mass weddings we've seen out of the North in recent years.

Las las sha, we all know the end game of creating such useless roles

At least they thought better of it than cooking up money-swallowing snake stories.