It's been two years since my husband passed; when is the right time to move on?

Dear Bukky,

I am a widow of two years with four kids

I am in a relationship of 6 months with a man 25 years older than I am. He's been married before, divorced but has remarried and has been with his second wife for 10 years now.

He is really serious about marrying me and he told his wife about me. His wife supports the marriage. He has met my people already for paying of dowry but I insisted that he should not rush me into marriage, based on our African belief of a widow staying back for the late husband. He is not happy with this hesitation on my part.

He loves my kids so much. He can’t do without them. My late husband’s family doesn’t contribute to the upkeep of the kids, but he takes up the responsibility as if they were his.

Can you please advise me on what to do? I am really confused. I don’t want to make a lifetime mistake.

____________

Dear reader,

I support your decision to not be rushed into a marriage. It’s been only six months and I agree with you for wanting to wait a while longer before delving into it. That’s a right call.

While the reason for your delay could be in respect of your late husband’s memory, I’ll also suggest that you use that period of waiting to really judge his character and personality as much as possible. Is he really good with kids or is that just a tactic to get to you? You can judge this by watching how he is with his own kids.

Is that wife really cool with the idea as she claims? You need answers to several questions, and now is the time to have them answered either by conversation or observation.

If you are cool with the idea of being the second wife, I think it’s OK to go for it. Just ensure to keep your eyes peeled before getting into it.____________Do you want to talk about your love life, marriage or family issues?

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