‘Women Teach Sex’ is a weekly series designed to capture the thoughts of everyday Nigerian women on sexual health, pleasure and what women expect good sex to be and feel like.
This week, #WomenTeachSex takes us into the innermost thoughts of a woman who absolutely loves it when her man takes complete charge of things in the bedroom. We asked her what this really entails, and she gladly gave us the complete low-down.
When was the first time you had sex?
That should be when I was around 17 or thereabouts. But I can’t say for sure when it actually happened.
Interesting. Why not?
The guy I was with at that time, we both used to do a lot of heavy making out and he’d try to penetrate but we never went through with it. So we had a lot of failed attempts at penetration that when it eventually happened, I actually missed it. But I sha know somewhere along the line, penetration started happening.
[Interesting take, as our last respondent has a similar story to this - check it out here]
Did you have any expectations of what sex should feel like though?
Nope. I didn’t have any expectations because then I was a novice. I didn’t know anything about sex or anything related to it. My eyes were just opening to it. So I don’t even know whether it was under or overwhelming as I had nothing to compare it to then. Let’s say I was just exploring.
What has sex been like for you since then?
It’s been interesting since. I actually enjoy having sex.. I don’t think I have had any bad experiences.
What’s something you’d change about the way men approach sex?
Speaking from my own experience o, nothing. I mean, all the men I have had sex with, they have approached it the right way, the way I like it. So I can’t speak of other people’s experiences. But that’s mine and I wouldn’t change a thing about it.
You said something about your men approaching sex the way you like it, care to explain?
Well, for me, I like it when my man takes charge when we’re getting down. Like, it makes me know that he is in control and I’ve noticed that that’s the kind of stuff I like. It makes me go gaga sort of. If I could have sex with another woman, I think I’d be like to be like that, to be in control, be like the man. Yeah.
What does ‘taking charge’ during sex entail for you?
I personally like it to be a momentary thing. I find it sexy when it’s something that happens in the moment, not a kind of control we carry out of the bedroom. Nope. Not that type.
Yeah. So when we’re getting it down for example, and he starts talking dirty and saying nasty things he’d love to do to me, that shit turns me. Also, I like it when a man tells you what he wants you to do. Like when he says ‘turn this way’ or when he orders you to ride him, or when he just flips you over confidently. That’s the kind of ‘being in control’ that I find sexy. Keep it in the moment. When we’re done with the sex, that’s it. I’ve never really thought of it beyond this context.
What if someone comes along and tries to expand the sexual control beyond the bedroom walls?
You mean like telling me what to do way ahead of sex?
I think I might like it. Thinking of it now, if I am going from work to a man’s place and he calls to tell me to remove my panties before arriving at his place… I think that’d be hot. It’d make one’s imagination run wild and increase anticipation. Like ‘what would happen?’ ‘What is he palling?’ That sort of thing. It increases the excitement. I think I’d like something like that.
Hear you. Have you ever had this ‘taking charge' conversation with any of your partners though?
No o. [Laughter] Don’t blame me sha. I have just not been the kind of babe that voices out about the things I want when it comes to sex. I think I have just been fortunate to meet men who just intuitively do me exactly how I like to be done.
Say you meet someone new. Would you give him a heads up on what you like and what you don’t?
Yes. I think I will. I am becoming better at communicating now. Obviously sex would be better when you say the things you want.
Nice. Tell me about best sex you’ve had
I’ve had a lot to be honest and I cannot even pinpoint one. I have had an amazing sex life. So I can’t say which one was the best. Everytime has been great. I think I have been lucky in that regard. No bad experiences, just great.
The most underrated sex thing ever
Kissing during penetrative sex. It’s so underrated. I don’t know if other people do it but it’s so amazing. If people don’t do it, they better start doing it now. It’s mad mad hot. And sucking the guy’s nipples as well. I don’t see enough people talking about this but I think it’s a soft spot for men. Women, I think more women need to start exploring that.
What would you tell men about sex if you could gather them all in one place?
Learn to satisfy your woman. Believe me, you will enjoy sex woth her. If your woman is satisfied, has reached orgasm repeatedly and everywhere is properly greased and free, believe me, you are in for a ride of your life. But many men don’t do this. They put their pleasure above and way ahead of everything else and later they will be saying Nigerian women are bad in bed yenyenyen. If you people don’t keep shut your mouths! I’ve actually heard of men who say they can’t give women head and all that. I don’t think men like that should be expecting any form of pleasure from anybody sha. Because, you cn’t reap where you do not sow.
Is it true that women always know if they’d sleep with a guy from the first few minutes of meeting him?
Personally, I can’t speak about that. I’ve never seen a guy and actually thought about sleeping with him. Not me. I don’t know if it happens with other women. I think what I often think about is if I’d like to kiss him or not. I like kissing, so I am always judging the kissability of guys’ lips moments after meeting them.
Most embarrassing thing that has happened to you during sex?
Nothing embarrassing per se. But I used to be embarrassed about my stomach before. Had a big one but I have lost a lot of weight now. I used to hate being on top because you could see the whole of my stomach so I tried a lot to avoid that.
What's the worst thing a guy has done during sex?
This one time I was with this guy and he attempted anal sex without warnig. He just tried to insert his dick there and it was pretty painful. I actually screamed. I think that’s the one that comes to mind.
One sex thing you’d never do
I am an adventurous person so I think I am open to a lot of things. However, things like fisting, golden showers and other derogatory, nasty nasty things… hell no. Any other ‘normal’ and adventurous sex thing, I wouldn’t mind trying.
One thing you look forward to
Squirting. I look forward to it so badly as it’s one thing I have never experienced before. I am looking forward to a bit of BDSM as well. Softcore BDSM if you will. Hopefully one of these days.
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