Dear Bukky,

I love her but I had to let her go just because she wasn't really putting in much effort to make the relationship work. I try my best to make her see me and I do not hide anything from her but still yet she fails to comprehend the fact that she ignores those little things that make a relationship work.

I do my possible best to make her realize that it is a we-thing but she doesn't get the memo so I had to call off the relationship because she puts me under emotional trauma each time.

I think about her. I still do love her but I really think we are not compatible as we think. Sometimes I can’t imagine my whole life without her. She fits in everywhere. Please what do I do?

_______

Dear reader,

The first step to truly ending a relationship is being sure that that is exactly what you want and not allowing for uncertainties.

I personally think that what you did is the right thing. A partner who does all the things you mentioned in your email is not worth much of one’s time and especially if they show a pattern of remorselessness. Your mental health is important and anything that will threaten to take it away must be set aside. So yeah, I think I agree with your decision to let the relationship go. It is far better to be by yourself in happiness than to be with someone who disturbs your peace and destabilizes your well-being.

However, I want you to realise that breakups are do not begin or end with the action itself. It does not begin on the day you say the words neither does it end on the day. There is first a lot of thought and consideration going into the whole thing and after your mind is made up and you cut the relationship, you would need to go into a ‘remission’ of sorts. You will need time to heal, to purge yourself of the bad memories and learn to not go back because of the good memories you had with that partner.

I think this is the phase you’re at now. And what you need most is to know that there is a reason why you left and that what you did is the right thing to do. You will need time to get over it but you will be fine. You surely will be fine.

Be guided by all the past experiences and all the irreconcilable differences you could not get past. Those will ensure you never go back.

_______

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